About 8 years ago he asked Han Gyeol for help so he can get away from his abusive boyfrien...

bloomingdale September 17, 2024 5:45 pm

About 8 years ago he asked Han Gyeol for help so he can get away from his abusive boyfriend. He blew him off and that's how he met Minho. I'm still mad at Han Gyeol for that.

Responses
    Gravenshi September 17, 2024 11:33 pm

    You are mad at cornflakes. Your friend ain't a mind reader. Your friend also has their share of problems. If you face a crisis and cannot voice the urgence about it, you cannot blame people for not knowing what you never told them when they are also facing adversities on their own. The Uke is supposed to be an adult, not a toddler. If you need help, ask for it firmly. If I am wrong on your situation, tell me off.

    aime September 19, 2024 4:10 am
    You are mad at cornflakes. Your friend ain't a mind reader. Your friend also has their share of problems. If you face a crisis and cannot voice the urgence about it, you cannot blame people for not knowing what... Gravenshi

    sorry for butting in, but yes we did get it that each person have problems too, the difference is that hangyeol(the friend) didn't even let woojin(mc) finish his question if he can stay with him.

    you said "if you need help, ask for it firmly." it's easy to say for you to say that but if you were in Woojin's shoes like exactly like from his personality to his past, you would know that it'll be difficult. going back to where he ask for help, hangyeol cut him off from finishing his sentence and that's why me and OP are annoyed/mad.

    again, your statement of different person, different problems is correct but would hearing your friend's concern first before rejecting wrong? especially when you were friends since highschool, no?

    Gravenshi September 19, 2024 11:03 am
    sorry for butting in, but yes we did get it that each person have problems too, the difference is that hangyeol(the friend) didn't even let woojin(mc) finish his question if he can stay with him. you said "if y... aime

    You came, and I'll simply rephrase what I already wrote because the point is straightforward. Your friend ain't your personal social worker nor a counselor.

    " is that hangyeol(the friend) didn't even let woojin(mc) finish his question"
    Is the MC a toddler? If someone interrupts you, you cannot keep talking? They don't know how dire is the situation. Like I said, "If I am wrong on your situation, tell me off".

    "hangyeol cut him off from finishing his sentence and that's why me and OP are annoyed/mad."
    My friend interrupts me all the time, cut me off in middle sentences... because that's how most dynamic conversations go. And when despair hits, I'd go to the same topic enough time for them to care. Friends are not Family. If he cut you off, will you lost your tongue? Are some kind of toddler and you cannot say "No, it's not like that, hear me out first".

    " it's easy to say for you to say that but if you were in Woojin's shoes " Okay, sound like a HE problem. Not, the friend's one. Your friend ain't a social worker. Now, it's on the Uke for being a whimp who cannot seek for help. The world does not revolve around you.

    "but would hearing your friend's concern first before rejecting wrong?"
    Whether it's "wrong" depends on the context and the values you hold. In most situations, it's generally seen as unkind or inconsiderate. However, if the concern is clearly inappropriate, harmful, or repetitive without merit, you might feel justified in rejecting it outright.

    However, ifour friend has a history of attracting or creating problems, it makes sense to be cautious. In such cases, you might feel the need to set boundaries and be selective about engaging with their concerns. It's not necessarily "wrong" to protect your peace, especially if their issues often pull you into negativity or stress. Who would take more than they can handle only if not a fool? And again, nothing, stopped the Uke to correct his Friend. Look how feisty he is with the Seme? When he wants to argue back, he does.

    What pisses me off here, it's simply trying to blame the friend for wanting to stay out of the Uke's messes for once. The Uke has not backbone and he is like parasite sucking on people's life to exist. That was that friend warned people (I forgot who) when they attempted to date the Uke: HE IS PROBLEM HIMSELF.

    If your friend truly has an important concern, it's their responsibility to communicate it clearly and assertively. If they don't express themselves or make an effort to correct any misunderstandings, the accountability does fall on them. Adults are responsible for expressing their needs and concerns clearly. If someone remains passive or vague, they can't expect others to automatically understand or prioritize them.

    If the Friend is not of use, go talk to a social worker or a counselor: that's their job to listen to people's problems and to find LONG-LASTING solutions. I have my fair share of issues, but I don't think my friends could handle all of them and that'll too much on them. The Friend was busy with its own share of problems: he was emotionally unable.

    I just can't stand the idea of having to treat my friend like my toddler. It's just won't work.

    aime September 19, 2024 2:02 pm
    You came, and I'll simply rephrase what I already wrote because the point is straightforward. Your friend ain't your personal social worker nor a counselor. " is that hangyeol(the friend) didn't even let woojin... Gravenshi

    I'll bite once again because all of the things you said is looking like victim-blaming considering we all read what happened to MC.

    "Is the MC a toddler? If someone interrupts you, you cannot keep talking?" He might as well be considering he wasn't truly got taken care well since he was a child. And did you not read properly his past when he tried to talk to his grandma? What happened to Woojin when he tried to talk back, huh? He got hit by his father. Surely he can interrupt but it's already carved in his head that if he says no, if he talks back, if he interrupts someone, he'll get hit. Or if not hit, he'll see an annoyed face/gesture. It's trauma.

    "My friend interrupts me all the time, cut me off in middle sentences... because that's how most dynamic conversations go." But it's not you tho :/ you're not the one trying to ask for help. I will keep on going back on how MC just can't interrupt someone because of trauma. He was trying to reach out, trying to make his walls go down so that his friend see him but what happened? Like you said, the friend was "emotionally unable" that time and so MC just what? Build back his walls and buried his cry for help.

    "Friends are not Family. If he cut you off, will you lost your tongue? Are some kind of toddler and you cannot say "No, it's not like that, hear me out first"." Who can he ask then? He got basically disowned by his own blood and his only friend also basically set him aside despite MC trying to communicate when they were freshmen (?). That hear me out first, that's funny because the friend literally blurted out everything. So what will MC thought of that? "Ah I cant have him think I'm being a burden seeing he got problems too, since his my only friend. I'll just endure it."

    See that was the problem.

    "Now, it's on the Uke for being a whimp who cannot seek for help. The world does not revolve around you." This is just not it. It really reeks victim-blaming. How is an abused being a whimp for not being able to ask for help? He tried! He really tried but his only friend didn't listen!!

    Im not gonna go all through whatever you said because I'm just going to repeat myself. There's a trauma and abuse involved here. All MC wants is to have someone he can rely on but bcs of his guardian, friend, and that 2 toxic exes he had, his relationship with Taehwan is failing.

    You and the friend got something in common, NOT LISTENING.

    Gravenshi September 19, 2024 9:51 pm
    I'll bite once again because all of the things you said is looking like victim-blaming considering we all read what happened to MC."Is the MC a toddler? If someone interrupts you, you cannot keep talking?" He m... aime

    My point is simple: excessive explanation is unnecessary, and repeating myself is exhausting. It’s not my responsibility to constantly manage someone else's emotional needs. You need to understand that people—whether friends or colleagues—won’t always be available to listen, nor should you expect unconditional support from them. They aren’t therapists. If someone is emotionally unavailable, it’s not something to take personally. Instead, seek the right resources. If you want to be heard, take the appropriate steps to ensure that. No one is obligated to cater to your needs, especially if you tend to be troublesome or high-maintenance.

    Gravenshi September 19, 2024 10:41 pm
    My point is simple: excessive explanation is unnecessary, and repeating myself is exhausting. It’s not my responsibility to constantly manage someone else's emotional needs. You need to understand that people... Gravenshi

    Me finding the Uke insufferable is just my opinion. I read 93 chapters of BS. I'm based.

    Your attempt to twist my words into victim-blaming is ironic proof that you're not actually listening yourself. My point is straightforward, and it doesn’t require over-explaining or self-evident responses. You keep circling back to the Uke's circumstances, but I’ve clearly stated that it's his problem, not the friends' responsibility.

    "I don't have to listen to you if I don't want to."

    One shouldn't overestimate what friends are for. They’re not obligated to be your constant emotional support system or to bear the weight of your personal struggles. Friendship doesn’t automatically mean someone has to be available to listen to all your problems, especially when they have their own issues to deal with. Expecting that level of commitment ignores the reality that friends have limits, and emotional support is not their primary role.

    If you need support, there are public services like hotlines and campus mental health centers, where professionals are literally there to listen to your problems and help you work through or solve them. It's their job, unlike friends or acquaintances who may not have the capacity or expertise to provide that kind of support. Therapists and counselors are trained to handle emotional difficulties. Friends are not a substitute for professional help.