Responses
I think mc mourned who his partner used to be. He didn't like who he is now, that's why before he died, the memories of when his partner was good to him. That's also why cried and told his parents he was wrong, I bet they told him he'll change later on.
The fact that the mc was still not over his feeling for the trash makes me scared about how feelings works. He knew that he was cheated but because the feeling of loving someone for a longtime doesn't easily go away. I just hope that the people who are in a similar situation with the mc gets their happiness and not end the lives with sadness. Re-reading it again after 4 years was a good and bad decision