the definition of consent.

quick reply but sorry if there’s some grammar errors! i’m writing this at like 4am lmao. also, there is quite a bit of context i left out of my assault because it involved some other issues i didn’t feel comfortable about getting into here… a few notes for context that might help understanding the situation more is that:
1) m4m aka we’re both male (tho this doesn’t matter in the conversation about consent)
2) we’re both in college (tho i think he just graduated)
3) we were not in a committed relationship (i was meeting several others at the time but was interested in pursuing smth with him before my assault)
4) kissing/romance happened outside the car. once we went in and i gave him oral sex, but wasn’t comfortable going further than that.
5) i am no longer in contact with him and am completely safe.

People need to understand this because first of all, I don’t think they understand what consent actually is and what it looks like, and second, I don’t think people who constantly read about romanticized rape actually understand how bad it is T^T

Am so sorry you went through this, you should have sued him. But you should also carefully choose who you are being with and also after you gave him oral sex ,he wanted further but you were not comfortable, you should have stopped there but you still kept contact with him. Also if both parties stimulate each other, then you refuse to go farther, you should have a clear discussion because its hurtful for both parties. Then again why you give 99.9 % expectations that you are going to do such things, because you wanted to pursue him but in the end you were not mentally ready. In that heat of moment it wasn't physical rape , mental rape , then later you say its full rape. If you really consent no and wanted your consent to work , if words don't work , use actions and i know if you a guy, you must have even a tiny mini little force..and am sure you knew his intentions from start. I won't solely blame that guy and say yes he is a rapist because he didn't abide to your CONSENT. Its both your faults.Of course i have no right to tell you anything, am just making my personal judgement solely on from your comment. about your personal story, it its truly terrible, i hope you took legal action against him which you also have evidence like seme , fingerprints on the car, informed his family and all because it is so much terrible and horrific experience for you. i sincerely hope you actually did it,stood for yourself and not just anonymously going around saying you experienced rape.

Just like in this story i don't completely blame jaekyung and say yes this is rape and abuse. Its clearly both faults.This is just a story honestly, if it was true rape jaekyung would have been in jail. This is just a story and i think everyone is sensible enough to not romantize this story and start raping their partner because 'hey am gonna rape you today because jaekyung did the same in jinx'. Its illogical. This is a story which comes from the depiction of a person's mind , knowledge, art and how the author wants to portray it. What you said about consent is absolutely true and everyone in real life knows what they want and think before doing things. I don't think the aim of this story is to teach readers about rape, consent and others. That's why its a story right. It's a fictual story with smut.if you're uncomfortable, i advise you not to be here and read some cute fluffy bl. I think you should read such stories for your mental being instead of being disturbed by jinx here. You will feel better. After all there are thousands of bl manhwa. It's what YOU are choosing to read similarly to the person who YOU are choosing to be with.

jesus fucking christ dude

Jioux, I’m sorry that that happened to you that sucks fucking ass. And I’m kind of sorry you felt the need to share this at all (although if sharing this felt like a positive for you then all the more power to you). I know you know this by now but I want to reaffirm that none of what happened was your fault. I’m glad you’re in a better place physically and I hope it is the case for you both mentally and emotionally as well. If not then I only wish you the best.

Omg you are disgusting. I’m so sorry jioux for what happened to you do not listen to this person, they clearly do not understand that being raped is not always just a guy forcing himself on you even if you use your voice and fight back, honestly even if you did do that they would probably say that your just weak or something. Lots of time when people are in a situation like yours, they don’t know how to say no, or even if they do, they’re to scared to fight back because that is a really horrible and scary situation to be in. I hope that this never happens to you again. (I hope I worded this in a way you could understand I was not sure how to exactly explain this)

"if it was true rape jaekyung would have been in jail"

This is an extremely naive view of the real world. So many rapists are running around because the system does not punish them. Much less wealthy, powerful men who can use their influence to hide their evil deeds.

Holy shit. This is such a disgusting comment to make to a survivor. Who the fuck do you think you are to judge what YOU think jioux did or did not do? Do you think that all rapists show their flags from the start? You don't even know where jioux lives or what their family or community are like. There are so many places where victims are treated like scum, harassed, and shunned. I'm appalled that you would take jioux's moment of vulnerability here and use it to shame and judge them.

I'm so sorry this happened to you, jioux. Fuck the people telling you that it's your fault. It wasn't. I hope you're doing better now and healing from this.

"honestly even if you did do that they would probably say that your just weak or something"

This is so true. There's this judge in the US who believes that women can't be raped because their vaginas will seal up if they really don't want it. One of the most brain numbing beliefs I've ever heard.

WHAT how do you even come to this conclusion, like how do people genuinely believe dumb shit like this?

i don’t come onto mangago as so i haven’t checked these replies until now… but thank you and for everyone else for their support. given the discussion i do want to reiterate that the relationship was between two men. i do find it disgusting that this person expected me to outrightly know the intentions of this person and how they thought it was partly my fault for engaging in the first place. before any of this i believed he was sweet and i enjoyed talking to him + didn’t pick up on any red flags beforehand. i will say, i’ve become more aware of who i’m having sex with, especially since i quickly met other weird men afterwards… no, i didn’t press legal charges as i did not have sufficient evidence to do so, and even if i went to get physically examined it would’ve been too late. a lot of the time rape is defined by the violent nature of the act. physically, it did not hurt nor was i physically hurt either. that still makes what happened to me rape, but if i got examined i doubt anything would come from it. but in any case, thank you. all your support means a lot to me! :)

firstly, i made this comment as a warning to let people know NOT to read this story because of the content and the approach the author takes when writing this story. secondly, the writing in this story is god-awful even without including a moral compass. when you say “everyone is sensible enough to not romanticize this story” is completely at false. why? because your response right here already tells me that this story and i’m sure many others have distorted your understanding of consent. a story about rape isn’t necessarily meant to teach a lesson, but when handling such a subject it needs to be handled with much more grace. i find it stupidly annoying that you assume i’m somehow triggered by reading this story. i’m personally not mentally affected but rather disgusted by responses ive seen in the past like yours that clearly do not grasp what consent is. not only is the depiction of rape in this manga created in a way where the viewer is meant to feel aroused and almost intrigued to the point of dismissal of it actually being rape, but it’s clear the author has no intention of addressing the abuse the MC had to face at the hands of JK. the resolution will most likely be a half-hearted apology that leads to more kinky sex. now, i understand many come on here for the porn (even i agree the art is gorgeous), but the story—as much as you want to deny it—romanticizes sexual abuse, monetary sexual exploitation, and rape. just because i critique those things doesn’t mean i am suddenly a person who is mentally incapable of understanding this story. the problem is not that “this isn’t my cup of tea”. the problem is that these kinds of stories continue to influence others (as seen by your response) to think that these scenarios are NOT rape, because they don’t follow your traditional understanding of what rape is.

thank you <3 i am— he actually came into my workplace once a few months later and it scared the living shit out of me and later past by a booth i was selling at… (especially since i thought i was over it). but nothing happened thankfully. it’s not something that affects me daily and i’m able to move on and do things i want/need to just fine! i told him off in the past and i got a good amount of satisfaction out of it… i know that one commenter talked about me filing a legal report but given the non-violent nature of it + me only realizing it was rape awhile later after it happened, there wouldn’t be much i could’ve done.
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i remember at the time when i was able to confront him (this was all over text atp) he blamed his adhd for not responding and kept talking about how he was “only human”.. blah blah.. not worth keeping up with. i know i dodged a bullet and i don’t regret ending things the way i did. my only hope now is that others aren’t affected negatively by his actions… id like to think he won’t pull smth like that again but i genuinely don’t know and i never knew him very personally… haaa idk it’s been awhile since then but sometimes i think about it (not in a traumatic way, just out of concern ig)
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sorry for rambling haha- thank you again for your support! i really appreciate it

i don’t think you understand that no means no regardless of how far things are going. it doesn’t matter if the other party will be hurt, if someone says no, you have to respect that boundary (regardless if it’s for sex or smth else). just because i was interested in something more for a moment doesn’t mean i can’t say no to that same person im interested in. regardless of context i am in my right with my own bodily autonomy to say no. did i like him at the time? yes. did i want to engage in full penetrative sex? NO. just because i realized that midway does NOT mean he didn’t rape me. also, i’d only met this guy one other time, i don’t know how you expected me to gather evidence again me when i barely knew him. (when i said like in the past, it was in a sense where i had a crush on him and was interested in building up to have a potential relationship, as most of my interactions with other men i wanted to have sex with were just one time hookups). also, it was HIS car, not mine. you tell me “i should’ve stopped him”, but i literally said NO (however “quiet” it may be). i’m also so utterly confused as to what you mean but “you kept contact with him”??? it was past midnight in a random parking lot in HIS car. where else was i supposed to go? he was my ride back! i don’t know if how i described things in the past was confused (if it was, u apologize) but i genuinely did all that i felt i could in that situation. it’s disheartening for you to tell me it was “both our faults”.. while i’m not personally hurt because you’re just some random person, i’m more-so worried about the other victims of rape. like i said in previous comments, rape comes in many, many forms. you clearly do not know how it works nor do you know what consent means.

here’s a short example of consent in the form of wanting cake (based on my situation):

me: i like this guy’s cake, so i’d like to eat some later
me: *eating the cake then realizing i don’t want to anymore* i don’t want anymore cake (aka NO.)
him: i don’t believe you, i think you want more cake *forces me to eat cake*
me (in the moment): i guess maybe i do want this cake because he said so… but i feel bad that he didn’t listen to me
me (later): i definitely did not want that cake and though it tasted good, he forced me to eat it and didn’t respect when i told him i didn’t want to.


do you understand how damaging a situation like that can be?

sorry for the multiple replies but i’m thinking of more logical fallacies from your comment as i reread it.
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OF COURSE NO ONE IS GOING TO GO AND RAPE SOMEONE JUST BECAUSE THEY READ THIS. that argument you make is illogical and is not even what i was trying to argue in the first place.
the ACTUAL argument im making is that these stories can INDIRECTLY influence a person’s perception of rape, sexual abuse, and exploitation. many people may read these stories and not outwardly go and rape people (because that’s not how rapists are formed) but instead experience sexual assault for themselves and disregard it because “it was romantic” or “i’ve seen these things happen, i think it’s okay”… i can’t speak for everyone nor am i a monolith for rape victims, but you have to understand that though fiction and reality are two separate entities, fiction INFLUENCES reality >> fiction INFLUENCES people’s ideologies/thinking and those same people exist in reality. why do you think there are kid shows that are made to teach kids certain lessons about life? when you argue “people know right from wrong”, you’re arguing based on your own experiences and your own moral compass. you can’t speak for everyone nor do you not understand how this story is one of many that romanticize rape (especially between two male characters). there’s a lot more issues i could cover but the general premise of how rape is often dismissed in a lot of BL/yaoi material has been a problem for AGES. this story is just one of the most relevant in recent years.

you’re perfectly fine! i do agree, a lot of victims don’t know how to react in such situations. heck i didn’t even comprehend it was assault until i talked about it with another friend. it sucks that so many people just assume rape is just when a guy forces himself on you and how they assume it’s a usually bloody case.. but rape takes so many other forms and can be much more nuanced than that (e.g. when drugs or alcohol are involved, in committed relationships, etc). i’m lucky and thankful to be okay but i know that there’s so many others who aren’t… especially those who may HAVE to be coerced to “take it” given their circumstances.

thank you and the others for your support, i hope you all are doing well!

final reply— the reason why it’s rape is because i said NO and didn’t want to continue. just because i felt physically good doesn’t mean i actually wanted it. please refer to the cake analogy i made to understand what i mean (if youre still confused).