For me, it felt like he lacked the confidence to make Euihyun stay and be with him without this debt between them. As early as chapter 40, he knew he had to make a decision - but if he erases the debt, he thinks there will be nothing between him and Euihyun, but if the debt is there, he would be slowly drowning Euihyun with anxiety and chipping away at Euihyun's self-worth. He made the wrong decision to NOT erase the debt (hence he said he felt dirty). Tbh, he should have had more confidence in himself and start over again with Euihyun from that point - erase the debt, then keep bothering him and court him like normal romances go until Euihyun falls for him lol
Yeah I agree. I feel silly thinking that's what he was doing! If made up in my head he wasn't forgiving the debt so he could make life difficult for euihyuns dad, but no. Just didn't want to lose the connection- I do remember him feeling this way, I just thought he'd already moved past it. Clearly not glad he's acknowledged it and look forward to the real change.
So, I thought I got the full story from the translation but nope, the proper translation really makes it clear and yikes taeju, that's awful. Good he realises what he did and why but still... I somehow didn't get that he was consciously deciding to keep the debt as a failsafe unless he tried to leave. That's serious red flag behaviour... not sure how I misinterpreted his intentions