Conflicted

Lmaooo telling someone who has been abused and used as a puppet their whole life as well as clearly exhibiting and suffering from multiple mental illness, including crippling PTSD to get a back bone Is crazy work

Hold up. What multiple mental illnesses were mentioned? Like definitely should go to a doctor and check it out with the family and people around him being the way that they are. And what's mainly pissing me off is his resigned attitude. It's the analogy of driving yourself crazy, when you do the same things over and over again expecting a different result. As someone who has experience with a lot of traumatic shit (especially family), I understand it's a hard battle to fight and it weighs on you heavily and many times seems hopeless, but unfortunately the only one who can truly help you out of it is you and it requires effort. Others can provide the resources and help, but they can't make you use it and that's scary. So I guess I could've worded it better because my confliction with this character truly arises from how the author wrote him. He's such a wishy washy character to me. Like they write him as a stubborn and smart character at times who seems like someone who would definitely use the resources provided by the ML because he understands the shit his family is putting him through and he would be someone who tries to get away from them slowly but surely. But then it's like that part of him gets backtracked and they write him as the meekest person ever who understands nothing of the world. So I'm sorry if it seems like I was victim blaming. That wasn't my goal. I understand us humans are complex snd this character could be too. But the way I've been seeing it is not as him being a complex character, but rather like the author couldn't decide which character he should be and so it was just frustrating to read

Just becausd he's been abused a bit and willingly being used as a tool, harming others with him. Doesn't mean he's innocent, ignorance is harmful. He can't stand for himself at all and it's his own decision.

Girl whatttttt The mentality of victim shaming/blaming Is crazy the perpetuation of rape culture insane the derogation of mental illness is unhinged not to mention the erasure of abuse and repercussions of abuse is deranged if not demented
They are glossing over the hardships of someone bc they can’t cookie cutter/fit the mold for them to understand. Just because somebody has been in a similar situation or has a similar experience doesn’t mean they speak for everybody. Everybody reacts different. Everybody has different and threshold some people are able to handle things better than other people but they’re not in this person shoes they haven’t been through what this person Has been through Yet have the audacity to judge and look down on them comments either because physically morally ethically We all know abuse, and sexual assault is wrong We all acknowledge that they are heinous acts. Nobody should have to go through so that is irrelevant this isn’t a struggle Olympics, where we put worth in peoples trauma and having compassion and understanding for of the abuse victims or people with mental illness isn’t subjective it’s common sense and of course everybody’s entitled to their own opinion that doesn’t mean your opinion isn’t wrong or ignorant perception is in a hall pass for lack of education his situation he literally had nothing and had to cling to life finally thinking he met a savior to be abused and used as puppet and the savior was a captor/dictator now he has to wear a mask and people please so he doesn’t get thrown out because he doesn’t wanna go back to nothing so he thinks abuse is better than the life he used to live not to mention he’s obviously suffering and exhibiting multiple signs of multiple mental illnesses, including crippling PTSD, anxiety, depression, dissociative identity disorder, with clear attachment/abandonment issues

Like this isn’t a matter of opinion science literally proves that the brain is chemically altered by abuse and behavior and personality are a direct result of self preservation In order to protect one’s mind and body, your brain will push into survival mode and do anything to survive and get out of the place that they are in and that’s a fact, these are Biological, psychological, physical and chemical reactions that cannot be controlled especially, if you’ve been physically and mentally conditioned in a violent manner We see these reflected through the main characters actions because we see the severe PTSD we see the people pleasing we see him scared to go back to where he was. We see him masking it is plain simple and obvious

He obviously is disassociating He’s not acting himself so he could fit them mold so he doesn’t disgrace his family so he doesn’t get abandoned You can’t go to the doctor if mental illness, bring shame, or it might expose the fact that you were abused by your family. You can’t go to the doctor if you’re meant to be the perfect pawn to bring Compassion to your family you can’t go to the doctor if the resources you have aren’t your own he’s being held captive financially physically mentally verbally abuse isn’t simple. It’s not the same for everyone. It’s complex and unique for everyone. It’s like a snowflake all very similar but different pattern. He is exhibiting signs of his own personality because he’s breaking away from his abuse and finally experiencing freedom and love without conditions or need for achievements He’s finding himself and coming out of the shell and the mask is cracking what you’re seeing is what most of abuse victims go through after they leave their abusive situation. This is very textbook babe. the behavior is exactly what we see through victims of child neglect and abuse whether it’s a learned response, a conditioned action or a chemical/ biological reaction they don’t know themselves outside of the abuse because they’re constantly in survival mode And they’re doing anything to survive to not be thrown away to not be abandoned And he’s clearly showing that he has abandonment issues, personality issues, attachment issues Internalized, depression and anxiety your comment is giving very much “why did they stay”/ “why didn’t they tell anyone”/ “well what did they do to make that happen” I get you’re saying you’re not trying to victim blame/shame but that’s exactly how it’s coming off

Okay. So it feels like you've taken my comment personally, which was never my intention. So I apologize if you were offended. We're definitely reading this character differently, which is perfectly fine since it's a fictional a story. I'm just not making any connection with the main character and how his motivations are being portrayed like maybe you are. As someone who had a very abusive family and now works with the youth in hopes of helping them, I absolutely understand the different types of defense mechanism that can arise from different types of abuse and know for a fact it varies from person to person and situation to situation. Especially when it has been inflicted on someone for a long period of time. I didn't negate any of what you said about victims of absue so don't condescendingly tell me anything about "texbook" behavior "babe". I studied and continue to study the textbooks and see these things on a daily basis. Which the biggest thing you always need to to remember is that people behave as people do. As in, you can never truly know how situations are going to affect someone outwardly or inwardly since as you mentioned, situations are unique to the individual. I was just stating from my point of view and how I see the character being portrayed just feels like the author didn't quite know how to write him. Sometimes I feel like authors throw in abuse as a way to "spice" up their stories, but then don't know how to portray or write out the complex character that would come out of the situation they wrote up. So to me (personally), it just feels like the author didn't quite know how to write this character and it just feels very disjointed at times while reading. Again, you are free to feel differently about this character in this fictional story. But do not come here and try to act like you know my beliefs purely from me not liking how an author chose to portray a character

You don't even understand that you're victim blaming too. The uke used seme and betrayed him to satisfy his "father" because of the so called "trauma", got involved with the "brother" and create further misunderstanding. Their relationship is toxic, but the most toxic source is centered around uke.

"Yeah I have trauma so when I did something stupid or wrong or idiotic or steal things or harm others or drive others to death or led to my own suffering, whether it has consequences/not don't matter. You can't blame me, because I look pitiful and innocent."

I didn’t take it personally I also have abuse family especially as a interracial child and just a black woman in America and I’m not pushing off your experience I would never but the few don’t speak for the many the many speak for the few unfortunately and I’m a child counselor with at risk youth in LA County and went to school double majoring in child and trauma psychology and I’m just not gonna condone anything that perpetuates rape culture Or feeds into victim blaming or shaming. Abuse, Sexual assault and mental illness are very real issues that shouldn’t be taken lightly and these are serious matters that can and do happen in real life we shouldn’t be desensitized in anyway even if it’s fictionalize, advocating and educating the community is imperative im not putting you down by saying it’s textbook I’m just literally saying it’s basic human nature and is very studied and exhibited by abuse victims I also said you can’t put abuse victims in a box because everyone handles, experiences, internalizes and copes differently so I don’t get the disparity between my point and yours I’m saying that abuse is complex a completely rewire the brain You think differently you act differently you are in survival mode There is no one way and abuse victim There are a lot of commonalities but there’s not one strict rubric, self derogation and disassociation of personality are extremely common Especially when they have multiple mental illnesses stacked up on the trauma from their abuse some develop sexual issues some develop severe mental issues some develop regular i Intimacy/Relationship And a lot develop personality issues he’s very well written in the sense that he’s textbook display many symptoms of abuse it was never condescending I called you babe just like I called the other person girl as I was explaining my point that was your perspective which was different from mine and how I wrote it just like you said girl in your original statement My point is telling an abuse victim to grow a backbone is severely insensitive And is a erasure of their hardship of the Journey through abuse self-respect and esteem is a luxury for a lot of people, especially when you’re not allowed self expression I didn’t come here, knowing you. I came here responding to a comment that seemed really ignorant I had no malicious intent. I am just advocating for abuse victims and their complexity whether it’s fictional or not these are real things people go through as you said you have too Just because you could sympathize or empathize doesn’t mean you’ll always understand and just because you could relate doesn’t mean you know I don’t care if you like the character or not I just cared how judgment based your comment was

My love I’m truly trying to see your point That doesn’t make sense how am I victim blaming by saying This person has a complex character and their mentality is not as simple as having self respect or esteem right or wrong plus I never justified what was done mind you he didn’t end up stealing or helping his father which lead to his father slapping him as well as verbally abusing him he had a internal struggle And picked the seme there was no misunderstanding the uke Remembers the 1st timeline and knew this would happen and allowed him to make the decision for himself there is no toxicity it is them learning to love each other despite the challenges of mental illness affecting their relationship that’s true unconditional love like I struggled to see the validity in any of your points You just sound ignorant and no trauma doesn’t excuse something wrong but it explains it helps you understand why the person did what they did.

You called my comment judgment base but so far, all your responses have been judgement base as to what I am like as a person. As a black girl who got adopted from a war-torn country just to be placed with racist ass white parents. I don't need your condensation on a matter I'm well versed in. Okay? Let's start there. you don't know me so stop placing your judgement on me based on a comment on an illegal Manga reading site.

Secondly. Work on your tone when talking to people online because you're still coming off condescending as hell and I thought maybe we could have an actual conversation about this, but you're just starting to piss me off especially in that it seems like you did not read my whole comment and yet still want to sit here and preach to me. Where did I disagree with you about victims and their varying situations? Nowhere? Okay. So why are you repeating the same statements to me when I said my main reasoning for the first comment I made was because of the writing? If you're so against the poor portrayal of victims maybe you should think more about what I said at the end. Many authors will literally write abuse into their stories just to get people to read it. It tends to serve no other purpose other than to be a plot device in their story. And that's what usually causes me (PERSONALLY) to feel that charcaters are so disjointed. The way characters are written and portrayed as victims, ESPECIALLY in yaoi Manga is 95% of the time not to advocate for victims, that's for damn sure. It serves no purpose other than to have a story they know people will want to read. My comment is all based on this story. Which for some reasin, you keep negating.

I never judged you or meant to make you feel like that I never went into what you were like as a person not I said your comment was giving off a certain vibe of rape culture and was judgmental against victims mentality I literally said something then you repeated it and I said I don’t get where the disparity is there But there’s hypocrisy in your statement We both agreed there’s not one way for victim to act but you don’t like how this victim is acting when it is very by the book That’s my point I’m not being condescending. I’m literally just typing to you. And it doesn’t matter if you’re well-versed in something or not, you could still make a mistake or say something wrong just because you know what math is doesn’t mean you know all the algorithms and like I said, I’m not judging you Advocacy doesn’t end Because you got off work or you’re laying in bed or you’re reading a fictional story just like reading a story like Lolita Is fictional we could still see Victimology and the morality the story is based upon my point was that I will not support or condone any type of perpetuation of rape, culture, victim, blaming, or shaming or the degradation of abuse victims I acknowledged that you didn’t exactly try to do these things as you said, but that’s exactly how you came off

I’m not trying to convey any type of tone or negativity that’s a misunderstanding on your part just like when I said babe u didn’t like it I like I said i acknowledge you, but just because I understand what you’ve been through and you have your own experiences doesn’t erase that lots of people have had similar experiences. I’ve had people messaging me about this post saying thank you for standing up for me It made them feel seen and like you were also picking on how they acted as a victim or were coming out of the abuse Like I said, some people are emotionally stunted and have personality defects because of abuse and The personality disorders that are being displayed are very common and in many cultures, we see the perpetuation of rape and misogyny integrated throughout the culture so sometimes when you’re not even realizing it, you’re feeding into it That was my point From the beginning, it was really crazy for you to say that somebody who obviously has no sense of self needs to grow a backbone and have self-esteem that was really insensitive Like I would never tell an abuse victim they should’ve fought back or they should’ve said something because there are so many factors that could hold that back I never said or thought you were a bad person. I just would never let anything slide That could be degradation Or cast doubt of abuse victims and I’ve Always been that the strong protect the weak you speak out for others when they’ve been ignored or or silenced i’m not trying to argue with you or put you down I’m speaking out for what I believe in and for the victims who can’t that simply it I have nothing against you as a person because I don’t know you I just know what you said and that’s what I’m responding to and I don’t think this is poor riding like I said these symptoms and attributes are commonalities throughout many abuse victims. Do I think that writers Use abuse to make the story intense and hook the readers yes but when a whole characters point and being is, they’ve been abused since being introduced, and their backstory is abused, that is part of their characterization, plot and development I do agree that it is in poor choice for a lot of Authors, especially in BL To use rape /abuse But this does seem to be a genuine Portrayal that’s why I said this is very textbook if in School you were given the prompt a abandoned and elected child was taken in by a severely abusive family. What are some of the developmental and mental issues they could have It would be personality disorders, Intimacy relationship, Separation ,abandonment ,attachment issues, Anxiety and depression my Point is that what is being displayed in the book are all really large possibilities and issues victims of abuse face and to me it seems like you are minimizing The Victimology Because you don’t necessarily like it or doesn’t fit your perspective of victims I’m not downplaying anything especially your feelings I just disagree with your opinion but I don’t think you’re a bad person nor am I trying to be mean but you’re taking it as a personal attack and that’s not my intention

And I never said you disagree I’m saying you are harping on the fact that the victim doesn’t seem to fit what you want them to be like and I am directly replying to the fact that you said they need self-esteem And a backbone Like I said that’s a luxury for a lot of abuse victims being able to stand up for yourself or fight back a luxury Being able to have self expression Is a luxury you don’t like the way the uke is acting but he is acting out of victimhood and the way he’s being written supports a lot of that

...okay. Let me say it again since you're still not listening and still choosing to negate things that I have repeatedly said. You are reading the story and seeing the situations from one perspective. And I am seeing it from a whole different perspective. That happens. People process information given to them differently, as you should know. We all use our own life experiences, opinions, biases, and all that makes us human when it comes to processing and taking in information. Yeah my first comment that started this was definitely just based in online lingo so it was quick with no further explanation and very casual. But I have now repeatedly stated that I just am not seeing this fictional story the same as you. I have said my main issue is the writing being disjointed. The writing. You are by all means free to see this story as written out well and portraying victimhood well. Just as I am free to feel that this story is not written the best and therefore seeing that the abuse was only written in as a plot point and nothing else. My feelings of this story being disjointed doesn't stop at the uke. The whole story feels slightly disjointed but it's from the uke's perspective. People have literally mentioned in the comments that this story has time travel in it or that this is the main character's 2nd life or something along those lines, so it's not far fetched for me to not connect with this character in an omegaverse yaoi manga.

So once again, many authors, especially in this type.of story (because yaoi 99% of the time has the most toxic and abusive relationship tropes written in), use abuse as a plot device and it serves no other purpose other than to roll their story along and many times, that's why it's hard to connect with a character. And that is how I'm seeing this story. I don't know how else I can explain my point of view for you to just take a moment and just think about the words I'm saying and how it is possible that I'm taking this story in differently than you are. You keep talking about how everyone experiences things differently, but the way you respond makes it seem like your takes are the only take that matters