Uhhhhhhh are you smoking crack?
Toguto was a prick, not aroace. He doesn't desire to do anything that isn't beneficial or part of the rules he has to follow. He didn't choose to not to have sex with Alta 'cause he's ace, he literally said the reason why he didn't was 'cause Alta can't give birth to kids. And knowing what we do about the wolves and white harts, it seems that Toguto was in denial of his own feelings for Slen so that's another reason why he didn't have sex with nor care for Alta at all. His heart had already chosen Slen as his mate and no one else would do. He only married Alta 'cause the law said he had to for his country.
I need ya'll to actually read with your eyes and think with your brains sometimes.
aroace or not, toguto is representing real convos that aroaces have with their partners and showing the difficulties that aroaces can have with their partners. and yes often, aroaces are seen as pricks for them being so "closed off" or "distant" form love and lust. is it really feel good to mock someone for saying they see representation in something? as an aroace i am saying this feels like i am being represented in a story.
hahaha, it is nice to show the way aroaces communicate with their partners. while slen might be more passionate and he will learn that toguto is holding him in the highest regard and will never cheat.