THIS WOULD BE SO GOOD! I am now afraid of being disappointed if that isn't the case lol
Yes finally someone who gets it!! When you think love is associated with things like betrayal, sacrifce, the erasure of ones' own will, you tend to form an invisible wall to stop yourself from getting hurt again, and you just don't know why you keep pushing people away until you get to the core of the problem.
I like that headcanon too, it'd be nice if that was a way to give Astina closure since she's currently stuck dealing with everything inside her own head given that no one knows her history.
She IS over her love and romantic feelings for Theodore (first life lover) but she has complex trauma around him and his betrayal and so she thinks her strong feelings must be love because to her love is hurt and sacrifice. She clearly loves therode (current duke) but doesn’t realize it. My head cannon is that Benjamin is Theodore’s reincarnation, and this will be revealed so Astina can realize she is over him, or even hates him and be with therode.