vercion

that toxic part of me wants a vercion in my life, someone who will drop everything for me and worship me like a god, but also lose his shit on me if i did something to refuse his love and if i strayed away from this idealized version of me he built up for me. this is what happens to a neglected child who learn how to get people to 'like' them.

anyway, i still want him tho. cuz hes uncomfortably similar to my major comfort character.
1. loves you and only you (i have a hard time believe people care about me outside of a transactional relationship / it just doesnt click for me)
2. wouldnt ever leave you (i have abandonment issues, i will do things to actively test people and push them away to see if theyll stay with or without me consciously knowing it)
3. easy to follow patterns of behaviors (mad = i did something wrong, happy = i didnt do something wrong / like i dont have to read between the lines about his emotions because when i do something wrong he will show that hes upset, like wearing your heart on your sleeve type of thing, like his emotions switch really quickly)
4. obsessive (i dont believe you love me if you wouldnt do the things i would do for you, like carve your name into my skin or block all my friends, something deranged like that / and part of me feels like i dont deserve the normal tender kind of love)
4. a man
5. someone who would hate fuck me after a long argument