Join me on my mindfuck journey...

Bruh when I say my mind did a whole lot of mental gymnastics this chapter I swear I'm not even joking. The first 2 and a half pages my brain must've been off or on sleep mode because nothing much was happening at all up there. Then from page 3, my imagination instantly took flight and got the best of me...

I went from thinking "aww damn, poor Anna really didn't deserve any of this"... By the end of page 3, I was already fuming and thinking "nah Anna needs a whole villain arc to end this bish". And from that point my entire mood changed to "I won't be simply satisfied unless a switch flicks in Anna's head and she sleeps with the redhead and wages mental warfare on her and f*cks her over (╯°Д °)╯╧╧". Page 4, I start feeling sorry for Anna all over again and I'm like "keep it together sis, stay strong... don't cry, you got this". Then my mind wonders off like "damn, I'm sure a lot of people will downplay the seriousness and angst/pain of Anna even having to see, touch, and deal with Lily's clothes that's covered in the redhead's lipstick and her knowing what Lily did the night before"... By page 5, I'm like "stfu Blondie, not now... we don't want to hear it, keep your explanation to yourself or for another time". Then on page 6 when she starts demanding to know where Anna went, my brain immediately hits me with a flashback of a previous chapter where Anna questioned Lily if she left the bed, and Lily had indeed woke up and snuck off to go see the Duchess but *LIED* to Anna about it. Not that this is relevant at all, but just found it ironic and felt she had the audacity to ask her after all the shit she's done so far . Anyway on page 7 all I could think was "don't show any weakness Anna tuck them feelings in a box and put that box in a corner, don't go easy on her".... and "really Lily? You thought she was gone forever and you were so scared you tripped and fell, and somehow ended up naked and landed in bed on the Duchess' fingers..." Mehhh, anyway by page 8, I'll admit I was lowkey happy that the redhead came to interrupt... to be honest, I feel it's a little too soon for Anna to listen to the bs of what actually occurred and how little Lily's "love" for her really means. I know, her learning the truth of why it happened is very important, but to be frank, Lily also needs to learn an important lesson here, so forgiving her right away shouldn't happen. Plus sometimes when you're hurting, it doesn't do much good listening to explanations because you sometimes aren't in the right state of mind to even properly process it. Page 9, I'm once again seriously side-eyeing Lily, because what's up with her behavior? The fact her maid isn't really gone forever and she just heard she only left because of servant duties, aka meaning you were lied to and bamboozled into having sex and declaring your love (sidenote: still can't believe she said she loved her)... why are you not behaving differently towards the redhead yet? Surely, she can't be so stupid to have not realized the situation yet :| Anywho, by page 10 and 11 I'm over Lily and the redhead, all I can think is "Anna let it be, you can't undo what happened between them, so if they are gonna do it again it really won't change anything... besides the two of you aren't even together. Just don't let them turn you into a cuck though " . Page 12 my mind is screaming "Anna please choose violence. Take that dagger and stick it right in her chest" metaphorically of course. Now let her feel like "You don't want her and the Duchess can keep her for all you care", and "I hope Lily is marinating in how it feels when the person she "loves" accepts the situation as a simple loss and doesn't even try to fight for her in any way"... Page 13 - 14, I know Anna is clearly upset and hurting a lot but all I'm thinking is "Good job Anna. Lily put herself in that position so let her face whatever consequences comes with it. Don't save her."

After sharing my initial reaction to this chapter, I feel like I'm way too invested lmao. And reflecting on some of my commentary, I'm highly questioning if I need to seek out therapy and work through some stuff . But anyway I just want to put it out there that I don't actually hate Lily despite what my comments make it seem like...

I'm just not going to let this manga gaslight me into accepting bullshit like I'm supposed to feel sorry for Lily and believe she should "quickly/easily" be forgiven, and go on my merry way happily shipping her with Anna JUST because she's gorgeous, hot, cute, innocent/pitiful looking etc... (nah f#ck that) and JUST because it's Yuri and they are supposedly meant to be the main couple.

Nah, no way... I'm simply not okay with her stupidity level/naiveness and impulsive behaviour. Maybe if the author wanted people like me to feel more sorry for Lily*** then at least write it in a better way, so we could connect more easily... you know like pacing wise could've made it where some time had passed between Lily meeting the Redhead and then building some form of believable relationship/rapport where Lily could trust the redhead and Anna was indeed gone for a few days or more... maybe an ambigious note was left or something... but nope, this is what we got, and with the way it is, although I can understand she was fooled and recognize that she was a victim in that sense. I'm unable to give her a pass for her actions, especially when there was a lack of effort to do anything BUT sleep with that redhead. Yes, the redhead lied to her but even calling the lie manipulation feels like a gross exaggeration or misuse of the word... So, yeah I won't defend her actions and believe she deserves to suffer a little for her poor judgement. That's the hill I'm willing to die on AND I do hope Lily gets a beautifully written redemption arc for all this f**kery