In gay relationships, age doesn't matter that much. Little Gay Book has articles on why it's not that big of a deal, better than I could explain.
oh wow, i haven’t read those articles but based on personal experience age gaps r sooo common in the queer community . imo a difference of 10+ years when someone is under 25 is giving immediate power imbalance to me. but i can’t dictate what ppl do, tho it’s interesting to think abt
There's only a power imbalance if someone has toxic relationship ideologies or behaviors and doesn't heal from them. It can happen on both sides (younger may experience inferiority complex whilst oldest doesn't care; oldest may feel superior while youngest struggles to deal). It's not for everyone, but it's not as bad as many think. The problem is applying heteronormativity to LGBTQ+ relationships. Power imbalances are common in hetero relationships regardless of age due to men's "place" in society.
On the other hand, the age thing and power have to do with societal hierarchy. That means less or zilch to ND people and the people who get into such relationships. Age gap relationships are interesting and work for the people who find it works. (:
One of the reasons age gaps are common in the LGBTQ+ community is because of the dating pool. This isn't the only reason, though.
i definitely agree, the dating pool was my first thought since options are so limited. also i suppose it’s less about age and more about experience?
you articulate yourself so well that i now want to delve more into this topic ! i considered myself open-minded but i think i have a ways to go, i definitely need to read more about this
It's still weird to me, tbh. Like yeah, it's fine if they are both adults, but I still raise an eyebrow. Big age gaps are a big no no for me because of the big gap in life experiences and maturity.
The queer community definitely has instances of problematic grooming and toxicity because of the fact queer kids often feel alone and are easier to take advantage of. I wouldn't say the commonality of age gap relationships is anything positive.
Open communication is crucial. Queer kids are not queer adults — that nuance is important. ;)
Life experience and maturity is all subjective. If you look at how two people of different ages could be *connected* by those kinds of differences, it's not so bad.
It's not for me personally, because my mom got pregnant with me at 16 and had me at 17; my dad was 18 when I was born. So I don't have much leeway before "you could be my mom/dad" surfaces in my head. o.O
I take issue with clear predatory relationships, like someone I went to high school with having a boyfriend 2.5x older than her once she turned 18 & him having been a family friend who knew her when she was a child. That's grooming.
Major age gaps in *adult relationships* work for the people it works for. Power imbalances occur for the people incapable of such a relationship.
I mentioned this in my most previous reply to IZA.
Some of it:
"There's only a power imbalance if someone has toxic relationship ideologies or behaviors and doesn't heal from them. It can happen on both sides (younger may experience inferiority complex whilst oldest doesn't care; oldest may feel superior while youngest struggles to deal). It's not for everyone, but it's not as bad as many think. The problem is applying heteronormativity to LGBTQ+ relationships. Power imbalances are common in hetero relationships regardless of age due to men's "place" in society."
Calling adults "kids" also infantalizes adults.
I see healthy age gap relationships aren't typically younger than 21 when they started. A friend I have started dating her 45yo NB partner at 22yo & "the scariest part" or biggest hurdle to her is that her partner "will definitely die first". They're not enmeshed; they're each their own person & you wouldn't know there's such a huge age gap if you saw them because her partner doesn't look it.
How you feel about age gap relationships and your own worries or concerns have no bearing on whether they can be healthy or work for other people.
23 and 40 would be CRAZY irl but i’d be lying if i said i wasn’t jealous of them because i am wtf