ya the first time he bottomed with jay, he said he was only experiencing pain and told himself that during that sex was the only time he would acknowledge his own pain like that. this time he only had sex with jay because he was crying and in pain due to his revelation, but this time he actually started enjoying it which kind of brings it back to that revelation.
He only ever once slept with Jay. Not to spoil to much but basically Jay hadn't slept with guys before or knows wtf he's doing in general. Jay at first tells him to slow down and to not hurt himself but that didn't matter. So in the end Jay kind of let him do his thing in silence. Jay is also lacking in certain emotions such as piety and guilt. But being with Lee was the first time his heart ached for someone else. So it's like complex. In terms of sa there isn't any rape. Jay is definitely touchy when he shouldn't be, but he feel Lee would not accept it if he didn't convince himself he was forced. Anyway they don't show anything to graphic and it's actually a very very sweet story. I highly recommend you read it. The characters grow and change, it sort of becomes about Jay wanting to lift Lee out of his guilt and self destructive mind set.
Can s/o pls lmk me what do commenters mean when they say that Yohan uses sex as self harm? Like does he have painful sex with FWBs or does he hv sex with strangers or?? Also when do they show the painful sex bw him and other charas (beginning of story)?
I hv been wanting to read this for a while but I don't want to read stories with SA between characters or at all, in fact , mostly bc it triggers me HARD (esp when it comes without warning).