Ngl you wording it something like divine punishment makes me feel like its going to be okay (being punished in life) i mean idk how im supposed to explain but yeah
Love comes and go, it is inherently unique to each individuals experience. I myself am not monogamous, so although I love and do I tend to marry my gf I also dream of having other spouses or at least keep seeing/dating/ going out with others as well. Some people are the opposite, some are kind of a mix, going from one partner to another, others just don't engage on relationships or even the eros/romantic side at all. There's literally a whole ass diversity and even then therr won't be enough words to describe what people feel wholly.
My unsolicited advice is to not pressure yourself to fit in any label if it doesn't feel right, feel free to learn and even experience If it comes to you and you arr inclined to dwell in it, be happy, respect yourself and others and be healthy ^^
they make me so fucking scared of ever getting involved with somebody... love does seem like divine punishment