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XD I do feel your frustration, I really do but...
Well, I think this doesn't really just apply to yaoi but to most genres and life itself. We tend to play our problems up bigger than they actually are, we're usually to bitter to drink tea, talk and actually make the effort to see the situation from the other side's perspective. Sometimes it's easier to avoid our problems then face them head on. I know I can be guilty of that! Not that I tend to rape people when I get annoyed at them ...or do I? ;)
No... No I don't...
Back to the subject at hand, I think it's important to consider that if all characters did the right thing and talked to each other about how they felt, what they thought and overall came to a peaceful agreement then there'd be no story. No antagonist, no climax, no tension. Nothing.
And as stupid and forced as some of these disagreements might be... yeah no I got nothing, some just feel unnatural and trope-y. So rejoice the ones that have actual thought put into them!
Like I GET why these characters are so upset! THANK GOD!
What I'm trying to say is, you can consider it to be kind of realistic in the sense that most people hurt and in the heat of the moment don't want to try and understand the other person. Or look at it from a story point of view and say 'hey at least I'm getting a story. It could just be two folks sipping tea'.
Also... I might secretly enjoy the rape trope ^^
I mean... we could sit down, cry and discuss our life's troubles over a hot cup of tea, hugs all around... but this is so much more entertaining. ^^