Jesus nothing gets resolved...

nerdandgeek February 19, 2024 1:08 am

I think that everyone is not wrong but not right either, hear me out. The problem with relationships, especially in stories like this, is that they don't really develop in a healthy manner in the way that there is no communication, anywhere.

If Minato is not secured in his relationship because of his past he should talk it out in therapy , because if it isn't resolved then it will be dragged on or it will pop up (so to say) in the future (but I don't know whether in their culture therapy is considered as an everyday thing, so to speak). That said, taking time off in a relationship and saying "I need space or time to resolve this " is valid and encouraged (depending on the person or situation) because sometimes if it is fixed in the moment it can backfire, and hurtful things can be said. That said, do talk to your partners after you thought it through. Don't leave it in the air, even if you think it sounds silly. It's better to try than not at all. Plus, partners are not mind readers, no matter how much we may want them to be, and they can't adjust (or not) to what we say if we don't speak. Yes, they talked about it once, but sometimes people can't see from your perspective, and they need to know how a certain problem relates in some way so that they can adjust. If he isn't secured by verbal assurance then he should also say "it has to do with my insecurities, but verbal assurance is not enough for me right now, and really I don't know what would be" (and it's also valid not to know, but it is fair to your partner to think about how to resolve that). However, I believe it is also Minato's first relationship, so he doesn't really know what to do either, and no one is really giving him sound advice (like, "Have you talked it out? If you haven't it will get stuck and it won't really advance, even if it sounds silly talk about it, better for you to be clear than for there to be problems later on, or for Shizuma to be wondering what he did wrong without you really telling him, and then resolving it") so they are stuck with doing the same thing over and over.

Shizuma is young, he doesn't know how to do boundaries, it's his first job and he basically blames himself for what happens in a relationship. The problem is that he has no one to talk to, and so he has no one to tell him, "This is wrong." For example he blames himself for Yuka, but since he doesn't have anyone to talk to, no one can tell him "it's not your fault you where cheated on, don't take the blame". Yes, the boss is breaking boundaries with Shizuma, but since Shizuma is trying too hard and it's his first job, he doesn't know how to make boundaries without fear or insecurities. (His boss Onodera should know not to play with someone's underwear period, and to treat the two interns equally, especially since he has been in a workplace longer than Shizuma, and I don't believe this are the first interns they have in the clinic). Plus culture can also be a big factor to things in a workplace. Shizuma needs help with creating healthy boundaries, and for someone to tell him "this is a boundary you need" (I know Minato has talked to him before, but he may believe that it stems from his past and it's not really necessary because everyone around them semms ok woth it). I do see a problem with not one of his friends telling him or asking him if HE or Minato is ok with being with Yuka. Instead, they all go out like its nothing.

UHG (internal scream)...

Responses
    Emi February 19, 2024 1:26 am

    Exactly. Like they treat the whole thing as "normal". Girl, Minato is not secured. What are you talking about, " you're still the one they come back home to". Huh?!

    Also, if he needs space, effing respect that! See the effort of Minato wanting to sound sober and not fill with rage when they soon meet and talk? Gddamn. And here you are wanting to meet and make it look like you did not just abandon him the last time. I get that it's work, but did you ever think that your partner also has a life of his own but was actually able to organize his time and priorities for you? And now you show up like it's fcking nothing. Bringing along this.. This.. Ugh!!!!!! He already effing noticed him, and yet he failed to think that showing that interaction will..... Ughhh! I'm gonna stop.. Me emotions are going haywire. I can't with this..

    I've already shared my thoughts below. That's enough. But yeah, I do agree with some of your points here, hun.. Whoooh! My hearttt!!

    Heu77 February 19, 2024 2:00 am
    Exactly. Like they treat the whole thing as "normal". Girl, Minato is not secured. What are you talking about, " you're still the one they come back home to". Huh?! Also, if he needs space, effing respect that!... Emi

    If you’re referring to Shizuma being dropped off, I think it’s fine but I personally wouldn’t let my new boss drive me somewhere even if I needed to go cause I just met him ffs. Shizuma is really careless but I get that he’s young.

    Hopefully he learns. He can be polite while being careful at the same time.

    Emi February 19, 2024 3:03 am
    If you’re referring to Shizuma being dropped off, I think it’s fine but I personally wouldn’t let my new boss drive me somewhere even if I needed to go cause I just met him ffs. Shizuma is really careless... Heu77

    It's hella ridiculous. You're going on a date and meet with your lover right after he went AWOL/MIA which you have no idea what the reason for not care to ask the cause, and you're gonna ride with someone else's car and let them see you're with someone else knowing that he has all these issues? Get your sht together, Shizuma! Young my ass, he's not looking into his partner eye to eye... And of course he'll just let him fck him cause that's the way to express love. Pathetic..