Don’t do what he did. You have limits for a reason. I’m okay with a lot of pain but there’s a limit and I can’t mentally or physically pass it. There’s usually two mental limits, a soft limit which is your comfort zone and a hard limit which is things you won’t even consider doing. You can’t change your limits without significant trauma before the change. You’d need to go through horrible things over and over and only then will your brain will naturally grow a tolerance for the pain in order to protect you. In fact, sometimes it will numb you to the pain and trick you into thinking it’s pleasurable. Not all submissive or masochists are the way they are cause horrific trauma cause ptsd responses in their body but it can be a cause of EXTREME masochism (wanting to be beat half to death in order to get off is definitely extreme masochism). Most people in bdsm will struggle because it’s hard to find someone with similar boundaries as you. Also, doms have boundaries and limits too! I’m a switch sadomasochist and I have limits for each way. The dom has a limit against causing HARM to their sub or loved one. They want total domination. They want full trust and the sub to give him their whole life in his hands. He isn’t necessarily into torture but by giving the sub total pain and then total praise and care, he’s getting what he needs which is 100% ownership. For him, a “slave” submissive would probably be better than using a dating app to find a regular sub. The issue that some have with “slave” submissives is that they don’t want the care or praise or loving attention. Since he needs both, it would be best for him to have two partners. One he loves and one that satisfies the sadist in him. He gets trust from both in different capacities and that would be best in an ideal world. Ofc it’s hard to get that. He did cheat in this case and I hope the baby sub gets to learn that he doesn’t need to change in order to find a partner. Plenty of doms are “soft” doms and are more into the praise and their way of punishment is a little more creative as opposed to violent. He should look specifically for that. I hope they work it out tho because there’s definitely a middle ground and subs have been known to be trained by doms to tolerate more pain in order to feel more ultimate pleasure and reach sub zone. I feel like training would be better than throwing him in the deep end with asphyxiation play. Choking play would be better than asphyxiation cause it’s pressing on a different part of the throat so you can still breathe. Choking pushing your arteries which forces you to be lightheaded. Asphyxiation is cutting off oxygen completely. Neither should be attempted without a test run of a lighter version first. Then you gradually get harder until the sub is slightly uncomfortable (for mediums nor extremes). The dom seems inexperienced in training which sucks. That’s the issue with domsub books. It’s a lot of misinformation and not perfect representation of what bdsm actually is including the more violent side of it… still the dom seemed really respectful until this cheating scene so.. let’s hope they do better in the future.
Don’t do what he did. You have limits for a reason. I’m okay with a lot of pain but there’s a limit and I can’t mentally or physically pass it. There’s usually two mental limits, a soft limit which is your comfort zone and a hard limit which is things you won’t even consider doing. You can’t change your limits without significant trauma before the change. You’d need to go through horrible things over and over and only then will your brain will naturally grow a tolerance for the pain in order to protect you. In fact, sometimes it will numb you to the pain and trick you into thinking it’s pleasurable. Not all submissive or masochists are the way they are cause horrific trauma cause ptsd responses in their body but it can be a cause of EXTREME masochism (wanting to be beat half to death in order to get off is definitely extreme masochism). Most people in bdsm will struggle because it’s hard to find someone with similar boundaries as you. Also, doms have boundaries and limits too! I’m a switch sadomasochist and I have limits for each way. The dom has a limit against causing HARM to their sub or loved one. They want total domination. They want full trust and the sub to give him their whole life in his hands. He isn’t necessarily into torture but by giving the sub total pain and then total praise and care, he’s getting what he needs which is 100% ownership. For him, a “slave” submissive would probably be better than using a dating app to find a regular sub. The issue that some have with “slave” submissives is that they don’t want the care or praise or loving attention. Since he needs both, it would be best for him to have two partners. One he loves and one that satisfies the sadist in him. He gets trust from both in different capacities and that would be best in an ideal world. Ofc it’s hard to get that. He did cheat in this case and I hope the baby sub gets to learn that he doesn’t need to change in order to find a partner. Plenty of doms are “soft” doms and are more into the praise and their way of punishment is a little more creative as opposed to violent. He should look specifically for that. I hope they work it out tho because there’s definitely a middle ground and subs have been known to be trained by doms to tolerate more pain in order to feel more ultimate pleasure and reach sub zone. I feel like training would be better than throwing him in the deep end with asphyxiation play. Choking play would be better than asphyxiation cause it’s pressing on a different part of the throat so you can still breathe. Choking pushing your arteries which forces you to be lightheaded. Asphyxiation is cutting off oxygen completely. Neither should be attempted without a test run of a lighter version first. Then you gradually get harder until the sub is slightly uncomfortable (for mediums nor extremes). The dom seems inexperienced in training which sucks. That’s the issue with domsub books. It’s a lot of misinformation and not perfect representation of what bdsm actually is including the more violent side of it… still the dom seemed really respectful until this cheating scene so.. let’s hope they do better in the future.