As someone who had something similar happen to them. I am so fucking sorry that happened to you. That never should have happened to you. You are not dirty. What they did was wrong and if there is a hell I hope they go there. I hope you are far away from those people now
For me my mother was the first person I told and nothing was more heart breaking then the lengths she went to keep me quiet and to coddle him. even now it'sobviousthat h is her favorite child. till this day I think of what it will be like to remind them and cut them off for my own mental health. I used to have vivid dreams of killing him, myself and everyone who shamed me into silence while telling our entire family of the absolute HELL that was my middle school years through letters. regardless of age rape is not excusable in any capacity and needs a harsher punishment. I'm a strong believer that those who do don't deserve the right to reproduce or go unmarked that they're a monster.
You need to know you belong here. you deserve care and protection. you need to know you are NOT dirty. you were failed and as you're still living and breathing I wish nothing but complete ruin and suffering for the people who hurt you and those who enable it.
my mom is also the only person in my family that i’ve told and she did basically nothing about it. which i get because my mom loves my brother. i don’t hate him but its kinda sad/funny how she’s brushed it under rug and never mentions it and it’s like i never told her at all. it’s not something that affects me anymore but i think it hindered my social/“normal” development massively
I had something similar happen me. I was like 6 or 7 and it was my older brother mainly but it also happened with my cousin. I remember thinking this is just what I have to do to not stir the pot. I was already disliked by my family and this would only make them hate me more. I remember looking up ways to kill him too and thinking that was the only way to escape. They even caught my cousin once and then it got worse for me, I couldn’t be anywhere near my cousin but they always wanted him around not me so it was just more isolating and I felt like it was as me who had done something bad. They never caught my brother though and it just got worse but I couldn’t say anything because I felt in the wrong and like the dirty one. Even today I’ve told only my close friends and their answer is always “They were young, maybe they were going through their own stuff” Which might be true, but I was younger and what they did to me was unforgivable