well im glad ur mom's bestie met them and learned the truth before the wedding
Exactly like its just so cowardly to not take responsibility for your sexuality and so incredibly selfish to do that at the cost of multiple people lives, time and wellbeing
Ngl I think this is a really one-sided and immature perspective. Even in countries like the US, being gay wasn't nearlyyy as accepted just 20 years ago. In many parts of the US and the world, it's still something you're taught from childhood is a sin. In some places, it's a crime that you could be imprisoned or even murdered for. As you can imagine, this punishment is even worse for gay women.
To just "accept your sexuality" isn't that easy when you have internalized homophobia and you could lose your job, your whole family, etc. Obviously I have sympathy for their spouses too but it's a sad situation for everyone.
Not really all, they said was that you shouldn't marry someone you don't love and make them waste half of their life while you are cheating with your preferred gender. and they didn't say accept it they said don't don't be in a loveless relationship with someone who THINK you love them it just toxic.
I remembered there was this manga with this troupe and I dropped it cuz miss gurl really loved the dude but he was sleeping with older men while dating her.
Which implies that the gay spouse had complete choice over the matter, when really they don't. It's not about being "too insecure to marry your preferred gender". It's not "preferred", it's a sexuality that is still discriminated against. Also sorry but many marriages are loveless, more people divorce than stay together for half their lives.
I never said it was about being insecure???? and yes of course it a sexuality that still being discriminated against obviously but were talking about them marrying someone who think they are in love with them and want to spend their life together and then they end up cheating...
just don't marry if you are going to end up cheating and I said rather THEN ending up in a loveless marriage. not about how most people end up divorcing
OP said that. But you still don't get it, my point is that marriage isn't such a b&w choice. Plenty of gay people do as you said and don't end up in straight marriages but for those that do, it wasn't a black and white decision. It's not like all of them cheat either, cause again there's a lot internal shame about being gay. They'd rather suppress all of that and deceive themselves into believing they *do* romantically love their partner. It's to the point where there's people who don't realize they're gay until they're already 50+ years old, because they never gave themselves the opportunity.
Again like, cheating is wrong and I empathize with the spouses who are lied to but it's a more complicated situation. "Just don't marry" isn't advice that always works. It's very idealistic.
ok
I appreciate what you said, but both in the instance of my mums friend (where the man had obviously revealed to previous friends that he was completely gay and not al all attracted to women, this taking place around 5 years ago not 20), and the manga that prompted this post (where the man walked around broad daylight plastered another man close to his young sons school (because the son saw them on his way home, he looked to be under 7 years of age)), I honestly have no sympathy for the men in question and just feel bad for the women.
I also appreciate that some of these gay men (or women) don’t cheat on the people they chose to marry, and in those instances probably stay married for longer and the person they married might not get as hurt when the truth comes out, but I still think this is a shitty thing to do do someone. As someone else said, it’s very one sided and unfair to lead someone to believe that you love them, have them marry you and maybe have kids with you (in this instance you’re also teaching the kid that it’s ok to do this, lie to someone and basically use them for your own “gain”), when at the end of the day they could have chosen to stay single and hide their sexuality Or speak to someone about this (like a friend), explain their situation and ask about marriage for their safety if it was for this reason.
Yeah this makes sense! I think in cases like those, especially with men toward women, there’s a lot of disrespect. Like they’re not seeing their wife as an equal partner, or just another human who wants genuine love. So I get what you mean by *them* being too insecure or cowardly.
But it’s just like, to me that behavior says more about the specific person than a group of people. A man could also lie and ruin a long marriage by cheating on her with a woman, hitting their kids, assaulting someone etc. etc. In the case of someone hiding their sexuality, I’m sympathetic to *both* parties though because while it’s a “choice”, it’s heavily impacted by other things. Like to compare, say a straight couple marries and one of them comes out as trans later — many partners feel betrayed by that and like they wasted years of their life on a lie. But you can understand why the trans person kept quiet and realize that they lost years of their life too. So it’s just sad all around.
But what you're saying isn't completely adding up cus if you want them to conform to information taken from OP's post, what you're saying about the internalised homophobia was not mentioned in the post. It had been mentioned that the fiancé had not only know he was gay but also implied that he had accepted it from the fact that he told his friends. If he was still internally homophobic he wouldn't have admitted to his friends as he would've kept on denying.OP's post is only about a scenario where a person knows and accepts that they are not interested in the opposite sex but still leads someone on and marries them while cheating on the side. And you're right, marriage isn't just black and white, there are other ways that they can mask their sexuality while not leading anyone on.
Personally, I think it says alot about a person's morals of whether or not they chose to lead someone on as an easy route or find another way.
I for one am lesbian and i know that my life will be destroyed if I ever come out but I wouldn't even dream of ever leading someone on and cheating behind their back. But thats js me tho
Funny story for anyone who reads yaoi (well funny now because it happened years ago): so I was just reading “Pittosporum” where the mother of one of the mcs was cheated on by her husband who was actually gay and she got trauma from it, and it reminded me of how one of my mums best friends was planning a wedding with her partner and a few days before her wedding she met up with some very old friends of hers and her fiancés (they they’ve not seen in a long time). She was telling the m how they’re getting married in a few days and they burst into laughter saying “you’re joking right, you DO know he’s gay??!”. Obviously she broke it off with him after that, turned out that he just wanted to hide the fact that he’s gay from his family, and she’s happily married with kids now, but really goes to show how some people are insecure enough to marry someone who they don’t actually care about to hide their sexuality while hiding away to cheat with their preferred gender (back to the manga though, like if you’re gonna cheat on the woman with men anyway, why marry and have kids to begin with, just continue sleeping with the men in secret without ruining a woman’s life for no reason in the process?).