Damn this completely changed my thoughts on the dude (tho he should be nicer to his kid). ...

i’m sorry but if you’re going to act like you understand can you try and understand that he’s not acting like that towards his child bc he wants to?

??? Huh?? What are you talking about? All I said was he should be nicer to his kid, which is true. I wasn’t even mean or dismissive of his trauma.

if your trauma causes you to hurt your kid, while it's understandable, it doesn't excuse it. He ignored her and he never did anything despite knowing all the stuff that Abigail was doing to his child. I understand why and I don't blame him but that doesn't mean that it's okay. Same thing applies to og abigail. [spoiler but no details] abigail was abused and traumatized as well and that is what caused her to abuse blanche. while i do understand....his actions aren't excused or okay. yes it was because of her trauma but harming others because of your trauma doesn't make it okay because at the end of the day, you're harming an innocent person. I don't blame the people who do it but i don't say that their actions are okay either. T-raw isn't being rude or dismissive of his trauma because it doesn't change the fact that his actions hurt his innocent child. While it's understandable why he behaved they way he does, it doesn't make everything okay.

Wait..ABBY WAS ABUSED TOO? Oh goawd.... this is a cycle of abuse all around. This needs to stop and starts with someone to stand up and say "NO MOAR"... This is why FAMILY COUNSELING is soon important and I wished existed in this world.

yeah it sucks but this story is mostly about healing. i'm going to copy and paste my other spoiler bc i'm too lazy to type it again hehe.
[SPOILER] this manhwa has this theme of healing trauma. As you know, the female lead in her past life struggled with her body image. She was happy to be in Abigail's body because from her perspective, Abigail is much prettier than her and she's also skinnier Later in this story she will become cursed and her looks will revert back to that of her past life (aka the looks she's insecure about). She runs away and the male lead looks for her. I forgot how much time passed before he found her but one day he found her and recognized her (idk how). when he confronted her, she pretended she wasn't abigail but he knew better than that. He told her "if i was to judge you for your looks, then i should gouge my own eyes out." I paraphrased it but you get the gist of what he said. He convinced her to come back to the palace with him and at first the servants thought he was insane cause he said he'd bring abigail back but brought home a random person. She later learns to accept herself and her image. She even chooses not to get rid of the curse and she chooses to remain in her own body. You didn't ask about og Abigail but i'll spoil that as well. OG Abigail was just as traumatized as the ML. Her father was the main instigator of her abuse. He would tell her things like a woman's worth was based on how fuckable she was and that if a man cheats, it's the woman's fault for not being better. She too struggled with her body image and was constantly trying to look skinner. Her mom would always make her diet (...more like not let her eat food). When she was married off to this man who refused to touch her (he had his reasons obviously), it just made her trauma worse. She began to spiral because she had started to view herself as being worthless (bc her family had taught her that her worth was based on how fuckable she was) and this is what led to Blanche's abuse. The reason OG Abigail died is also because of her trauma. She wanted to look even skinner so she tied her corset even tighter...and that's how she died. OG Abigail and the male lead both had their trauma but their trauma directly clashed with the other. Abigail needed affection and touch....but he couldn't do that because of his trauma. It's truly a sad story. BUT fear not because she gets the happy ending she deserves...she being og abigail. OG Abigail is reincarnated as a little boy in the same world. He has the same hair as Abigail did. Unfortunately the boy was abused for a bit but the female lead (this is after her looks have reverted to that of when she was in korea) found him and took him to the palace with her. The female lead had instantly recognized the boy to be Abigail's reincarnate and took him to the palace with her. She told the male lead that he was abigail and they ended up adopting him to give him a better life. The boy had dreams of Abigail but he never actually knew that those dreams were of his past life. It's a happy ending with a lots of healing.

oh yea. forgot previous queen (before reincarnation) abused blanche. but it's also kinda obvious that the king didn't really want any conflict or converse wuth any woman around

also repeat what you said because some people's trauma get to the worse of them. he probably didn't want to be involved with any women around him because of that and would probably see his rapist whenever he looks at his daughter and was probably afraid he would hurt her (physically?) like one aunt of mine and previous queen before reincarnation took control over almost everything and because the king didn't want to inflict harm onto himself and others (women specifically) he felt as if he didn't need to worry and thought everything would be fine, which it wasn't. "your trauma doesn't make it okay because at the end of the day, you're harming an innocent person." just sounds plain ignorant and sounds as if you aren't trying to go deeper into why he acts like that. sure he caused blanche pain because he wasn't around to protect her but he also probably wasn't aware being too focused on how he would his daughter.

also sorry if it seemed like i twisted your words, it's kind of a habit and bc im overdramatic

But he tore up the doll because he cared. Yet people were acting like he was an @$$hole when he did it. It's obviously a sentiment shared within the story since Abigail herself got upset about it.

Agreed.

Though I don't think it was from the r@pe itself, at least not entirely. But (more the fact) that he actually thought he was being a good father by not showing her affection or love because he believed it would lead her down the same path he was raised in and end up hurting her more in the process, especially given how they both had the same weak constitution. Plus I'm pretty sure the reason he tore up the doll had everything to do with how much he cared about Blanche and nothing to do with how he despised Abigail as other people implied. Even in that case though it's still reasonable that at most times he would not be aware of the pain Blanche was feeling because he would try to stay away from her as much as possible in order to keep from hurting her as he believes he would by showing her affection.

But whether what you say is true or what I say is, people who keep talking about how he's hurting an innocent person due to his trauma are, indeed, as you implied, ignoring the fact that he (believes he) could hurt her worse if he DID approach her.

ilysm :)

Awww! Thank you! You're making me blush!

Oh wow... this... now I want to cry for all of them.

What i was saying is that it's understandable how some people may hurt others because of their own trauma but it doesn't make their actions okay. I'm struggling on how to word this in a way that gets my message across clearly. In essense, i don't blame him for his actions but that doesn't make his actions good (in regards to his daughter). He has already explained his reasoning for distancing himself from Blanche and it was his internal thoughts so you know for sure that it's the truth. he distanced himself from blanche not because of her mother but because of her behavior. He saw that she was very kind and timid and those aren't the traits of a ruler. He wanted to toughen her up so he decided to "distance himself" from her....in other words, neglect. this was chapter 32 that he explained this btw. His behavoir/speech in previous chapters also supports that that was his true reasoning....for example his discussion about having meals with blanche in chapter 18. He said that he doesn't want to indulge her childish behavior and considered having a relationship with blanche to be an absurd idea. His behavior towards her was that of her being the heir and didn't have to do with his trauma. He also danced with her perfectly without any reaction so he's psychologically fine when it comes to his daughter. It's unclear if he's like that around all female children or just his daughter but this conversation is just about his daughter so i'm focusing on her. His reaction came when it was time to dance with Abigail. I'm sorry if it came across that way but that wasn't what i was saying. There is no bad person here. Abigail physically hurt Blanche and he emotionally hurt Blanche. I don't either of them are bad people because their actions stemmed in their trauma but that doesn't make their actions okay/good. Abigail hurt Blanche because of her trauma but that doesn't make what she did okay. Also he was aware of what Abigail was doing to her but he didn't do much. In chapter 2 he said "how amusing. since when did the queen treasure blanche like that," referencing her abuse towards blanche. In chapter 7 he asked Millard, his aide, to tell him about what's he's found after (basically stalking) watching the queen. Millard said that she's stopped harassing the maids and even treats them well, and she's also stopped harassing blanche and shows up with gifts. This further shows that he's known about her behavior not only towards blanche but the maids as well. He started to investigate her and get more involved after she STOPPED because that wasn't in her normal behavior. This further supports that he was aware of everything going on. I feel like i'm crucifying him so i just want to add some further context. I do not hate him and I don't dislike him either. saying that something a character does is bad, doesn't mean they themselves are bad or that you dislike them. I'm not going to get too into detail about this but my mother has said some very *interesting* things to me because of who my father is. I understand that he's done a lot of horrible things to her and I know that I look like him so I understand where she's coming from but at the end of the day I am not him. I'm a separate person. while her reasons are understandable, her actions towards me are not okay. We've both had to get thearpy because of it and she's gotten better but i just wanted to give an example.

I'm not going to try to speak for all the people who said stuff about that but i think their main issue was the fact that he didn't step in until after she had started acting kind. I don't think there would've been as much of backlash if that type of behavior was already happening before the reincarnation but it was something that developed after the reincarnation (i.e. after she started behaving kindly towards others). I honestly don't want to write another paragraph trying explain what I'm trying to say so you can read my response to otakubin if you want.

it's fine. That tends to happen whenever you're really passionate about the topic you're speaking, you tend to get heated. I know i've had my fair share of doing things like that lol

So my apologies in advance for another long post when the issue may have been considered resolved. If you think it's going to be exhausting responding to this again please ignore the rest of the post!

Okay I think I should clarify that I'm not saying Blanche shouldn't be hurt by what Sebellian has done. Nor do I think it's okay she has been and is hurt. She also 100% has every right to feel hurt. But that's not the point I'm trying to make, anyways. Because the point I feel *others* were trying to make, which I'm trying to address, is the idea that actions have to not be okay in order for the one on the receiving end of those actions to not be okay. So the thought that I'm trying to convey is that someone may legitimately believe their actions will not hurt someone while also believing that doing the exact opposite would hurt them, even though, at the same time, the actions they *do* take can still hurt others. For example: if someone was about to be run over by a car but while pulling them out of the way that person sustained injuries to themselves, the actions can still be considered okay but the injuries not.

It's just that I haven't been given hints that he hasn't done anything until after Abigail changed. In fact I feel there are more hints that he has done things before she changed. If it has been explained later on that this isn't the case, that's spoiler territory, and isn't gathered just from what we've read so far, which is what I (albeit perhaps erroneously) thought at least most of this discussion was based on here.

Him being aware of the abuse doesn't automatically mean he didn't try to prevent it. And my reasoning would explain why he said he didn't want to indulge Blanche. As for his 'how amusing' comment in chapter 2, I took it at the very least as sarcasm or at the most as suspicion as to what Abigail was going to try next.

I don't think og Abigail's response to Blanche had anything to do with her trauma while Sebellian's had everything to do with it iows.

It's 2 am for me rn so cut me some slack if anything i say sounds stupid.

I'm going to be honest this part did kinda confuse me. Are you saying that good actions or actions with good intent can lead to other's being hurt? I agree with that statement (the one i just said) but i'm not sure if that was what you were saying or not. That car analogy just had me even more confused ngl. I'm not sure if you've read villainess maker but i'm going to compare that series here....but only the father-daughter relationship because that's like the only similar aspect lol. Just incase you haven't read it, i'll explain it. The female lead thinks that her dad hates her because he's always ignored/neglected her. She thinks that he hates her because he blames her for his wife's death. However, from her father's perspective, he wanted to give her the space to do whatever she wanted in life. He didn't realize that what he was doing was considered neglect and that it was hurting her. The female lead was shocked to see how her father truly felt about her. I feel like there's a bit of a similar situation with the ML and Blanche here. He thinks that by distancing himself from her, it'll help her become a better ruler, and thus helping her overall...but it was hurting her in the end. I'm not sure if that was what you were trying to say so sorry if i misinterpreted it.

I haven't noticed any hints that he's tried to step in before hand aside from how abigail died in the original book. I'd like to hear what you noticed because i could've missed those details. It hasn't been explicitly stated that he has or hasn't tried to step in before so it is speculation at this point. The fact that his aide originally thought that the ml had feelings for abigail simply because of how often he was intervening and how much their interactions had increased. Even the servants seemed shocked at how much he was interacting with her which I feel like they wouldn't be as shocked if he was the type to step in. Another reason I think he didn't intervene before is Abigail's memories. the fl has shown us og abigail's memories and none of them had the ml intervening. The female lead's thoughts on the male lead have changed now but at the time she didn't like him because she believed the ml to be the true instigator for everything. If her abigail's memories contained the ml intervening, i don't think she would've had such thoughts.

I brought up him being aware because i thought the person i was responding to said he didn't know. I just looked over it again and i misread that. they said he wasn't aware that he was hurting blanche. that's my bad. at the time i was involved in 3 separate discussions so my mind was a bit scrambled....granted my mind is still a bit scrambled since it's 2 am lol. I included the how amusing because it was apart of his line. My main focus was what he said after that because i was trying to show that he was aware of the abuse that abigail was inflicting on blanche. but yeah he was being sarcastic when he said "how amusing."

This is a spoiler in regards to og Abigail's backstory and why her trauma is involved. Keep in mind for later reference that the reincarnated female lead died because she was starving herself because she was trying to be skinnier. Back to og Abigail. Her father was the main instigator of her abuse. He would tell her a woman's worth is based on how fuckable she was and that if a man cheats that it's a woman's fault. Her mother would make her starve herself so that she'd be skinnier. (og) Abigail has had it ingrained into her head that, that is what determined her worth. Now she gets into a political marriage with this man who refuses to touch her. But she was told her worth was based on how fuckable she was....so if he thinks that she's not...then what is she worth? (og)Abigail was getting desperate and she'd do anything to get his attention. Nothing worked no matter what and this woman had began to spiral. If you remember, og abigail had requested that the maids keep blanche out of her sight. It's clear that she felt an inferiority complex when she looked at blanche. She was already unstable af because she thought she was worthless and she so desperately wanted to be worth something. she didn't get this far in this story, but in the original novel, the mirror was the final nail in the coffin. It made her inferiority complex even worse because blanche became a walking reminder that og abigail was worthless. She would constantly try to look skinnier so that the male lead may view her as being more fuckable...and that how she died. She wasn't poisoned. She tightened her corset to look even skinner (she was also starving herself) and it killed her. Both the female lead and og abigail died while trying to look skinner. anyways my point was that her trauma did have to do with blanche's abuse.

Just a few points:

- yes that is what I was saying in the first part of my post. Tbh I used the analogy because I wanted to clarify my preceding point which I knew could be very confusing. But another similar analogy would be the Father and daughter relationship in Father I Don't Want to Get Married.

- I was actually referring to the whole comment you quoted not just the 'how amusing' part. I only quoted that part just for some much (lol) needed brevity at the time after all.

- my point about the trauma not being the cause of og Abigail abusing Blanche had more to do with how it appeared to be not (just) from reflex but deliberate. But if the og Abigail was not in control of her actions in any meanigful way as appears to be possible then I would definitely agree that her trauma is responsible for her actions.

It wasn't because of his trauma, well actually it kind of was. He didn't want her to be soft like he was as a child. I'm guessing it was so he could prevent her from getting scared if any traumatic situation were to happen to her. To me that doesn't make total sense but that's what they say in the manhwa