Just my own interpretation but I think it was cos diesel was confused about what love is. He went through something traumatic and was lonely so he was ready to do anything for the only person he had. The author didn't flat out word these things out but she did leave some hints for it. Like diesel slept with Ein because he felt like that was the first time someone held him so gently. I mean the ex treated diesel as his thing so I didn't really feel bad for him. At the airport too diesel said he was ready to die for that ex even if he didn't love him and he was thankful Ein saved him from living such a sad life. That was him basically realizing that what they had wasn't love. And at the end he found people like him and wasn't lonely anymore so he was able to confirm his feelings for ein (at the start diesel was really stuck wondering if this time it was love or was he just lonely). Overall I think the author was able to show all the character's emotions so well and I loved that. Thank you for coming to my ted talk! Sorry this was such a long comment lol
It’s fine lol thanks for telling me, I finished the story a while ago and couldn’t remember the details, but that just stuck with me when I reread a bit. But I’m happy that diesel does eventually realise it wasn’t love, plus I have no doubt the ex wasn’t actually a great person and I’ve just made him better in my head over the years cause he got cheated on and I felt bad lol even though he’s technically in the mafia, so he did probably treat him badly but at least now it’s confirmed (at least in one interpretation) so I can move on with a clear conscience (about this story anyway)
Haha I'm glad (^_^)
I also feel bad about that Yanok? that mafia guy but he just treats Diesel as one of his things tho :<
Yanek*
I really love this, everything is great, but idk something still just rubs me the wrong way about how diesel cheated on the other guy with ein and that’s why he died. Diesel said he loved that guy, even more than ein (but then why did he go with him?), but did he really?? It annoys me that he thinks that was love if he was so willing to throw it all away, plus he still doesn’t know the other guy apparently was only “fascinated” by him or something like that, which seems more like infatuation than love. I’m not sure if it was sort of referred to earlier when ein told diesel like “that’s not love” when talking about minsuks ex but I don’t know if that also pertains to diesels old relationship, and if he realised that or not — I just really want him to acknowledge how it wasn’t love so I can stop feeling so bad for the ex! ╥﹏╥