Totally agree with u ..
I agree. The only thing I can think of is that she got herself into a situation where she didn't see the way out so she just told herself she was right because she couldn't face reality. Now she's in a position where she's no longer feeling trapped so she's able to actually see the reality of her last situations and process the guilt. Irl people can utterly detach during trauma and just go on autopilot. But they really didn't express it in that way
This ^^^
That's really true, judgement gets really clouded when one is terrified ,anxious or stressed. It's easy to convince oneself of a bad decision as long as it gives a calmer state of mind.
I think we lack details because manwhas dont show much of whats inside the character mind.
Most of those isekai are novels, and novels say much more. So I assume that what she said/thought as the time was a bit simplified. Lets put that aside and rely on what we see on her flashback, the colours the author uses, the expressions he gives her...
Honestly I think that captain is a manipulator. A narcissistic pervert. Yup, I said it. He drew her in, and manipulated her to think exactly what he wanted her to think. Those people are like snakes... They get in your brain, and then it's not yours anymore.
You quoted something "she tought that she was right as long as she followed him", well yes... because she couldnt think by herself anymore. When you are manipulated like that... honestly its hard to describe, its just that.... her death was the trigger that freed her from the captain. And once she was free, she realized what she had done, what she had truly done, because her reality wasn't distorded anymore. Yup, thats it, manipulation changes the way you perceive the reality. Im not saying she's innocent, just that.... when you are manipulated, logic doesnt exist anymore
Honestly, i didn't really like the MC in the first few chap. (I mean, I know the story is her redemption arc, but still)
It's a bit odd really.
The MC decided to do what she had to do to pay her debts. But, I don't get why the thought of retribution for her actions never crossed her mind until she was "betrayed" by the black knight captain?
Honestly, it doesn't seem that she felt that her actions were wrong at all. It seems more like the only reason she finally felt "guilty" or accepts that she is "wrong" is because she died as a result.
At her death, she kept saying how she believed that she was right as long as she followed the captain, and can't believe that he killed her.
She is just as bad or guilty as that captain dude, they both put their lives above that of others for their personal goals. I just can't understand why she never saw that coming. She knew she was a pawn, and honestly killing a royal makes her more of a liability than an asset. Her mouth could get him killed of course he'd kill to silence her. She has no other value too, she has no further role in his plans (neither planning nor knowledge) she was expandable.
The moment she wagered her life over that of others, she should've be prepared to be killed in the same way.
Her lack of care for her money crazed reputation is kind of stupid as well. She let others know of her obsession, her weakness is like putting a banner up saying "use me! I also have no backup plan if you decide to frame me with that reputation!" Like wth.