can i get manhwa/manga that really sad and fuck up (wanna see how much i can stand/see whi...

If you're interested in BL then try this list.
https://www.mangago.zone/home/mangalist/57857/

- https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/the_horizon/
- https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/tourou_no_ori/

everything in here will be shounen ai

this is a slice of life, that follows the two males in their high school until their deaths
- httpss://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/life_senjou_no_bokura/

this is 4 multiple oneshots - https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/sorekara_kimi_wo_kangaeru/

this is a manhwa, the sad and tragic part here is the backstory of the mc mainly, as it contains such events httpss://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/ennead/