plz give feedback :)

Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:35 am

Hello, I'm thinking of creating a manga styled comic. The genres of this particular story is: Horror, Thriller, Crime, Psychological, Tragedy, Yaoi, and drama.

I have posted (well tried to let's see if they actually show up)- The character designs in my album. If you could give me feedback on this story and the art that'll be a huge help to me.

Story plot (rough idea):

It’s a story from the “ukes” perspective. The “ukes” name is Aoi and he’s an idol. He’s very innocent looking and is world wide famous. He’s known to be the angel of the group he’s in. He’s got a very outgoing and cheerful personality. No one knows about his backstory or where he came from, he got recruited when someone took a video of him singing in an underground subway tunnel. His video blew up because of his angelic voice and his beautiful appearance.

Unbenounced to everyone is that Aoi is a serial killer that takes pleasure in seeing people being disenchanted by him. Aoi has a messed up backstory, so he finds pleasure killing people who idolize him. I won’t get into the backstory bc there’s a lot to cover. The backstory doesn't excuse his actions, however it gives you a better understanding of the character. Aoi kills people of any age, gender, sexuality, race, etc.

Aoi has been killing people since he was 17 (he’s now 21). Aoi starts to find his way of killing to be boring so while he was browsing the web he "coincidentally" comes across a cult that summons demons. Not really believing it, but still wanting to try out the horrific sacrifice methods, Aoi decides to have some fun and go along with the cults "ridiculous summons". To Aois surprise those summons were actually legitimate. A demon (seme number 1) appears before Aoi with a deal that Aoi is to supply the demon with victims (aka his food) so that Aoi himself doesn't become food.
(This has changed. Aoi joins the cult, some things happen there that I won’t get into on this comment. The rest about the demon pretty much stayed the same it changed a little though.)

The demon and Aoi sign a contract that basically allows Aoi to get the help of the demon using his powers and in exchange giving the demon food. The contract ends when Aoi dies or cant keep up his end of the deal. if all goes well when Aoi dies he'll be judged by the demon lord and either gets to become a demon or goes back to earth. If Aoi is eaten by the demon his soul is stuck in never ending torture and nothingness. (I haven't really thought too much about the contracts details tbh)

Aoi keeps a steady number of people he kills but recently he starts to decrease the amount of people he’s killing which now throws the demons hunger off.
The demon warns Aoi that if he doesn’t start killing more people Aoi will be the next victim. Aoi starts committing more murders, but since he’s rushing them he starts to slip up. Aoi, the idol who’s never had a rumour or scandal, the idol everyone loves and adores, starts to be suspected for recent murders. Dun Dun Duuuunnn

I have a way that he’ll get out of it but his reputation gets ruined big time. That’s just the beginning of the plot, there's a lot more. The second seme I haven't given much thought yet, he'll be a mix of bad and good though. He's not on Aoi's side but he's also not against him.

I’m thinking this won’t have a happy ending, just that Aoi is literally the worst human ever. This story wont have rape because I hate that and its stressful to draw. Aoi is a power bottom, and this isn't a love triangle.

What I'm hoping to accomplish is making a suspenseful story that shows a character slowly going insane.

Please, please give me feedback. Ideas to add to the plot, constructive criticism, even if this story somewhat Interests you. Thank you for reading this. :)

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Responses
    Megumii May 24, 2021 12:38 am

    I don't really have a critical opinion abt this, but when this comes out tell me so I can support you
    It sounds really interesting

    Exie May 24, 2021 12:38 am

    I think this concept is very interesting! Im unsure how enjoyable it would be to have an Uke who's a genuinely horrible person, though, and I know there's usually a lot of backlash if readers find an uke annoying/unbearable-so thats something to keep in mind. I'd definitely read it though!ヾ(❀╹◡╹)ノ~

    Exie May 24, 2021 12:40 am

    Also really glad you dont intend to include r*pe, that's always offputting.

    AMND May 24, 2021 12:46 am

    Just a few suggestions;
    1. Instead of him being suspected, he can help the police as a witness.
    2. Giving him boardline Schizophrenia, for example, "The last stab" before the person dies, he sees the root of his trauma.
    3. The second Seme could be a police or/and a detective.
    Recs for further inspiration:
    1. Brutal: Satsujin Kansatsukan no Kokuhaku
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/brutal_satsujin_kansatsukan_no_kokuhaku/
    2. From the Red Fog
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/from_the_red_fog/
    3. Pumpkin Night
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/pumpkin_night/
    4. Prison Lab
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/prison_lab/
    5. Kami-sama, Ki-sama O Koroshitai.
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/kami_sama_ki_sama_o_koroshitai/
    6. Torture Tournament
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/torture_tournament/

    Ch0ke_m3_DADDY May 24, 2021 12:46 am

    I would actually read this. I think it would grab everyones attention. Its all thought out really well good luck on it you have my full support

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:48 am
    Just a few suggestions;1. Instead of him being suspected, he can help the police as a witness. 2. Giving him boardline Schizophrenia, for example, "The last stab" before the person dies, he sees the root of his... AMND

    omg thank you!! this is super helpful. I'm also thinking the second seme will be with police, or like a reporter.

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:53 am
    I think this concept is very interesting! Im unsure how enjoyable it would be to have an Uke who's a genuinely horrible person, though, and I know there's usually a lot of backlash if readers find an uke annoyi... Exie

    yes I hate rape, and this story already has murder so I really see no need in rape. If I had Aoi as a rapist people would see him as a slut uke.

    I also hate annoying ukes so that's why Aoi's personality will be that of a stereotypical seme. Aoi is a uke with the two semes but hes actually a switch. Aoi is also bisexual. :) hopefully Aoi won't be annoying, I have some side characters who are annoying so that should make Aoi look better ahah.

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:54 am
    I think this concept is very interesting! Im unsure how enjoyable it would be to have an Uke who's a genuinely horrible person, though, and I know there's usually a lot of backlash if readers find an uke annoyi... Exie

    -Well Aoi's personality will be kinda like Sangwoo's actually aha.

    AMND May 24, 2021 12:55 am
    Just a few suggestions;1. Instead of him being suspected, he can help the police as a witness. 2. Giving him boardline Schizophrenia, for example, "The last stab" before the person dies, he sees the root of his... AMND

    A few more suggestions:
    1. The so-called demon is the product of his horrible mental health.
    2. Give his back story some context related to murder and/or torture.
    3. The second seme can also be a group member that's actually a cop.

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:55 am
    I would actually read this. I think it would grab everyones attention. Its all thought out really well good luck on it you have my full support Ch0ke_m3_DADDY

    Thank you that means a lot!! ╥﹏╥

    Nugget king May 24, 2021 12:55 am

    it sounds really cool when/if it comes out tell us.
    The idea is really good

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 12:57 am
    I don't really have a critical opinion abt this, but when this comes out tell me so I can support you It sounds really interesting Megumii

    Thank you! I have added the character designs in my album... maybe you could give me feedback on them?

    Just saying you like their designs, or dislike is enough for me. (If you dislike them I would like you to explain why, but no pressure. ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭)

    Megumii May 24, 2021 12:58 am

    Oh yeah thank you AMND for reminding me-
    Here's another rec to help:
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/killing_morph/
    (A similar story since the MC has trauma)
    My horror list:
    https://www.mangago.zone/home/mangalist/1038439/
    (It includes a horror album to help incase you add gore scenes)

    Okayanonymous May 24, 2021 12:58 am

    Let me know the date it's out

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 1:00 am
    Oh yeah thank you AMND for reminding me-Here's another rec to help:https://www.mangago.me/read-manga/killing_morph/(A similar story since the MC has trauma)My horror list:https://www.mangago.me/home/mangalist/1... Megumii

    YES!! omgosh you are an angel <3
    Gore is hard to draw T.T I watch lots of true crime and horror but trying to draw it from memory is difficult.

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 1:00 am
    Let me know the date it's out Okayanonymous

    I will keep you posted ;)

    Megumii May 24, 2021 1:07 am
    YES!! omgosh you are an angel <3 Gore is hard to draw T.T I watch lots of true crime and horror but trying to draw it from memory is difficult. Mangaguy_23

    Yeah ofc! As soon as I saw you were making a horror manga I was already intrigued ngl.
    ALSO DAMN I LOVE YOUR ART STYLE

    I'm glad you haven't made the mc feminine/weak, since a lot of people actually despise feminine BL characters.

    Oh yeah, idk if you were planning it or said it already, but you should make one of the characters smoke. It'd add to the plot in a way, yk? Lmaoo

    Megumii May 24, 2021 1:14 am
    Yeah ofc! As soon as I saw you were making a horror manga I was already intrigued ngl.ALSO DAMN I LOVE YOUR ART STYLE I'm glad you haven't made the mc feminine/weak, since a lot of people actually despise femin... Megumii

    Lmfao I almost forgot this rec:
    https://www.mangago.zone/read-manga/ijimekaeshi_fukushuu_no_31/

    (It's a girl mc, but the plot is similar in a way. The mc is a jpop idol that was traumatized and abused by her other group members. Then she finally had enough courage to get revenge on them by murdering them)

    AMND May 24, 2021 1:26 am

    Kind person, your hand in marriage, like, your art is so pretty.

    Mangaguy_23 May 24, 2021 1:27 am
    Yeah ofc! As soon as I saw you were making a horror manga I was already intrigued ngl.ALSO DAMN I LOVE YOUR ART STYLE I'm glad you haven't made the mc feminine/weak, since a lot of people actually despise femin... Megumii

    Sure I can make one of the characters smoke. I was thinking I'll make the second seme smoke, Aoi already has bad habits lol.

    Aoi is far from weak, and hes only a bottom because he wanted to be.. hes actually a switch and hes bisexual. Aoi also won't be a uke the entire time I also might have him top a few times.