raws?

I want raws but I just have to say I feel this. My mom ended up pretty crappy but when she knew she was dying she was scared to talk to me since I was still mad at her for all her abusive and neglectful tendencies. I was told by my sister later that she called (she has the phone call recorded I think) and was crying. No one knew was dying, even the doctors but apparently she knew. She said to tell me how much she loved me and said that to say that I was her miracle baby. I ended up finding out that day that she was dying from liver and kidney failure due to that period of abuse and neglect where she turned to alcohol and drugs. I got there and she couldn't speak due to the machinery and she didn't look like the beautiful woman I knew she was. I held her hand and I remembered in that moment how much she really meant to me and as I called out to her and told her I came she squeezed my hand surprisingly hard and wouldn't let go. I held her hand until her last breath. I see now how wrong I was. She was indeed horrible to me but I loved spending time with her. I love my mother so much and understand that she ended up caring for me too. It brings me comfort to know that she did care for me. I doubted her for a long time and believed she always had ulterior motives and that she hated me. I relate to vincent in this way. It's hard to trust a mother who sometimes shows happiness when you know they can become someone different. But it's also hard not to love them. I respect her for trying to fix this. My mom passed away 3 days before I turned 18. Having a mother passing away in that time without any hope of her loving you? If I didn't find out that she said she loved me or if she didn't grasp my hand and not let go. I'm sure I would've buried my love for my mother once she left my life. My mother simply did not seem capable. VINCINT I HOPE YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART TO BE ABLE TO LOOK CLEARLY AT WHO SHE IS NOW RATHER THAN WHO SHE USED TO BE!!!!