I totally get what you're saying. I posted a response somewhere else (I can't remember where right now) regarding the Japanese culture and their views toward porn/fetish/rape etc., in manga, with the basic idea that they believe "What happens in manga, stays in manga" and that it is a form of mental release. The Japanese are very good at compartmentalizing and separating their fantasies from reality. It's an outlet for them to experience the forbidden without actually biting the fruit. Most people are so accustomed to hearing that whatever we see, read, listen to, is going to make us act on it (like death metal or D&D) - and there are mentally or emotionally unstable people who are certainly influenced by these things and act out, but for the most part, healthy well-adjusted human beings can separate right from wrong. Dreams and nightmares are proof that our subconscious minds sometimes need some messed-up shit to de-stress.
No form of entertainment including manga exists in a vacuum. Every simgel piece makes the puzzle. Fiction is is not automatically unproblematic, neither Is it above critique. Very unnessecary to be condescending towards others for having an opinion.
Also you talk about the common "rape-fantasy" yet you focus solely on the perpetrator completely missing the entire point. You obviously haven't understood the basis of this fantasy at all. Fantasies are all about oneself, it is completely self-centred sexuality yet you focus on the perpertrators feelings when explaining it? All wrong, these fantasies are common among women in slutshaming cultures. That's the basis of the fantasy. The psychological explanation is that it gives women an outlet for their sexuality in a culture that constantly shames women's sexuality. When one grows up and is taught that even having a sexuality, not to mentions having the audacity to be shameless enough to actually enjoy it, is sinful and shameful and dirty and wrong they tend to create a fantasy where they lack both control and choose and therefore "responsibility" so that they may enjoy their sexuality free from the shame they learned. Neither is unique to western culture.
All these "rape" comments!! LMAO Okay, let me explain this so that even the high school kids can understand. Yaoi is a form of pornography - like it or not, it's a fact - pornography deals with sexual situations and fantasies. One very popular fantasy for eastern cultures is "ravishment". "Ravishment" means that the agressor is so overwhelmed by their desire for their parner that they can not control themselves. In a culture where being reserved is taken to the extreme of not even kissing your parents or shaking hands, to have one's partner lose control of themselves and their reservedness over their desire is incredibly alluring - to women in particular (the main audience for yaoi). This is what you see in your so-called "rape" scenes in yaoi and also the reason the uke (the "woman" in the scene) falls in love. So, what you are witnessing is not "rape" so much as it is "ravishment" fantasies of the audience in the culture in which this manga was written. As westerners, we are known for our tolerance and open-mindedness towards other cultures, alternative sexualities and alternative lifestyles. Could we also be tolerant of the fantasies of those cultures from whom we derive our favorite reading material? Think before you inadvertantly insult another culture and their ideas.