Well written, absolutely understood the chapters well,, the story was just too toxic for me. I couldnt handle it.
you dropped this
I really can't stop rereading this because you wrote it so perfectly. I think it's my favourite comment on this hellsite! And the best analysis of LOH (beating your other analysis though those are wonderfully stated as well) hehe
somebody summarize it for me im not reading all that
usually i skip posts this long but i gave it a go... loved your essay.
just shows what a good story this is. the author really hit this one out of the park with beautiful art and a complex, interesting plot ♡
thank you for all those replies and praise! it made me really happy that you thought my analysis was that good lol :")
omg you are right. i believe yeongha definitely had HIM out of the 3 say that line for a clear purpose, especially with the way his character was written and revealed as the story went further. him being the "villain" and "hero" for the same person, is tied to the whole "love" or "hate" haesoo feels for joowon.
their false perceptions of each other was DEFINITELY what perpetuated their actions further. it's cause they could never sit down and talk honestly to each other... as the whole basis of their undefined relationship is literally NOT COMMUNICATING. Like they're supposed to pretend like their love and deeper feelings for each other dont really exist... and so they can never talk about any of their problems or even acknowledge it without addressing the elephant in the room: their feelings. It was incredibly ironic yet fitting how Joowon thought he was the "only one stuck in the past", while Haesoo was literally thinking similar thing, thinking that he was the "only one suffering". Their thoughts are completely on the same wavelength, but they dont know it and assume the opposite for each other. dumbass mfs lolol. I love them though.
honestly summarizing it won't do it justice at all.... i strongly recommend you just read it, especially if youre a taku stan (not cause this essay has anything to do with taku, but because i dont think many of yall dont even get the NATURE of the toxicity in joohae's relationship and go around saying they should never ever be together... when not being officially together, and not being able to say "i love you", is what honestly caused them the most pain)
Summary:
- there whole point of the essay is that there's no victim or perpetrator in joohae's relationship. everything they did, they inflicted equally on each other, and it was a self-imposed mutual choice for them.
- haesoo manipulates joowon's emotions to make him possessive and joowon always immaturely acts on haesoo's manipulation when provoked. they do this to each other so they can feel secure in their ambiguous relationship and believe they are "each others" without actually being tgt
- having this ambiguous relationship was a mutual decision between them, and it hurts them a lot as they can't tell each other their true feelings. But they love eo so they at least want to stay together. (hs: "It’s painful because we know we can’t have it, that’s why we kept it ambiguous for 10 years”)
- why haesoo chose to keep their r/s ambiguous: he was scared to lose his mom, and his mom guilt tripped him for many years for her divorce + made him feel like a burden. as a result of his insecurities: he felt guilty towards joowon thinking he cant be with jw, and jw should have a normal life with marriage and kids and everything
- why joowon chose to keep their r/s ambiguous: he didn't want to make him choose between him and his mom. he also didn't want them to be separated. he thought haesoo would drop him if things got too serious due to the events when they were teens and haesoo saying "im scared of my feelings for you". his father also convinced him that haesoo would abandon him if he starts anything with him. so joowon wanted to pass off their relationship as "nothing serious", thinking haesoo will stay with him in that case.
- they realize from being apart though: they would rather face the consequences of their relationship, and tell each other their true feelings, because they love each other more than they fear whatever they may lose as a result of their love.
- it's why in chapter 101, Haesoo asks Joowon if he regrets their relationship due to Joowon’s career and dad and everything... Haesoo was always worried about that: that if they chose each other, they'd come to resent each other for their losses. But Joowon says he regrets nothing & he doesnt care about that as long as he’s with Haesoo
In my eyes, Taehae is a pretty crappy pairing and to this day I will never understand why some ppl cheer for it. Even if I loved Taku to MOST, I dont think I would want Taehae ever. Like. It was a relationship with little sincerity and one party did not reciprocate at all. With Joowon and Haesoo everything was a two way street. They had this push and pull between them: yes a painful dynamic, but it was all for the sake of their love and keeping them together. With Taehae there was no genuine emotions and the monologues completely expose that. How they're just "pretending", "acting like this is real", etc. And not to mention the fact that Taku started this whole thing just to use Haesoo for his own selfish curiosity, and Haesoo used him as a rebound. That's its own kind of unhealthy that cant be fixed unlike Joohae, because the feelings just arent there. I honestly think the appeal of Taehae is only that it's an alternative to the "past incest" relationship that left Haesoo hurt, and they think Taku is a uwu soft boy that's trying to "save" Haesoo because they dont read his monologues or character properly at all. That's really it. (Oh and if people like the smut scenes more than the writing and plot lol). Because frankly the feelings aren't there, and their personalities don't mesh either. It's an ongoing joke for ages that Haesoo lost all his personality going out with Taku. and it's TRUE! like with Joowon he would always openly banter, and joke, and was bratty, and kinda tsundere... with Taku he's this quiet, polite, stone wall lol. He never really showed his true personality to Taku, maybe cause he wasnt comfortable enough to, and that bantering dynamic would never work with him.
I do wonder if it could have been anyone else or even Haesoo's past partners to make him realize he loved Joowon though. I strongly believe Haesoo broke things off with Joowon cause of the remarriage. BUT... I think Taku's exhibit, and Taku's personality is what really might've brought Haesoo to Joowon. Like the only reason Haesoo actually got into something "serious" (though temporary) with Taku is because Haesoo said he saw HIMSELF in Taku. That was the chapter they made things official. Taku's selfishness and manipulative actions (as he revealed with the sex tape) literally reminded Haesoo of himself and how he craved this obsessive love and pushed Joowon's emotions back in their own relationship. So Haesoo went out with Taku out pity seeing himself in Taku... and because he had grown to respect Taku's photography that had intrigued him from the start. I think otherwise, it would've been hard for Haesoo to have a serious relationship with someone else who he didn't love. lolll i wrote way too much but anyway!!
see mmm valid. Wow. Yeah they must have really be ignoring everything that was being said and just focusing on the smut. Because like you said there was nothing exciting about that relationship. Nothing. It was so bland to me. In a way the smut was the attempt to spice things up I guess? Haesoo and Joowon started us with such intensity and passion and interesting dynamics. Not the healthiest but something was there to draw us in the story but then with Taku it was just... well there. Like there was more going on in Taku's mind like his own story and development and with Haesoo's struggle and flashbacks than between the two of them. It's a good point that indeed Haesoo was closed off with Taku. With Joowon it was like fire and with Taku like I don't even know water? Lol I couldn't fall for their relationship at all and I honestly skimmed through most of the smut as well.
I suppose people find it easier to categorize a story from the start. There is a villain, a victim and a savior. It's apparently irrelevant that the victim is not a victim and the savior is not saving anyone and the villain is no more a villain than the rest. It's like the complexity of the story and the author's intentions flew over their heads. No shade but I feel like that's the kind of stories I crave and it's weird how people just Ughh. Perhaps it's just that some like simple stories and it's more comfortable to polarize things.
The way Haesoo with all his flaws and shortcomings was a victim is the most baffling like did they skip the way he treated his other lovers? I'm confused. Perhaps it's the tendency to make the top/dominant the bad guy and the bottom the victim or because Joowon was the "Hyung". Or maybe they just fell for Taku's looks over Joowon's. I'm guilty of the opposite so no judgment there.
I Still, I suppose it had to be Taku because only someone with such single minded focus would try to jump in those muddy waters. Like for Taku to try to come in between two people that have so much history. Kudos to him for trying. I'm always impressed with second love interest confidently stepping into relationships with such heavy shit. Like how do you even make a space for yourself there. And yeah Haesoo never opened up. It's almost as if the whole time he was running away from Joowon and never really starting anything with Taku. Maybe almost as if he was studying or analyzing his own self by being with Taku, now that you reminded me of how he saw himself in Taku it made me think of that possible scenario.
And haha you're fine thanks for your response! I'm rambling a lot too haha and I keep seeing people having silly fights in the comments. It's fascinating how divided people are over this lol. I wish more people read your comment. They may disagree with some things but it would at least give them a different perspective.
tbh i dont stan taku nor joowon, im just too lazy
thx, ig i rlly wasnt paying attention to the story if i didnt notice this
oh okay then i thought i remembered seeing you in the comments and you struck me as a taku, but it was either someone else or i was rlly paying attention. anywayyy the summary gardenfairy gave to you is decent, but there's a lot more that was said in the actual comment (plus it's way better framed and explained), so if you ever feel unlazy you should still read :D it :D
also... Loh is the type of story that you even if you read it slowly you can still manage to miss stuff. most ppl need to read it at least twice to grasp everything abt it anyway~
a taku *stan
*wasnt rlly paying attention
ill probably get to it, but re-reading it? yea might need to do that too
lol yeah wonuyaaa is right that its easy to miss things in this story. definitely took me some rereads to fully get it, and not overlook all the details
i wrote a few more things on the story if youre ever do reread and need summaries lol:
http://www.mangago.zone/home/mangatopic/9496997/
http://www.mangago.zone/home/mangatopic/9517513/?page=4
This analysis is very very well written! It’s so interesting to see others having the same thought process on things. Thank you for putting the words out of my mind. What’s more, the way joohae’s relationship relate to their parents, and how their parents manipulate them into calling it a quit, to me there’s no victim or perpetrator. Both sides were just trying to be with their significant other. Love makes us greedy. But it failed to make joohae fight for their love when they were teens because of the guilt trip game their parents push into their faces.
It will never ever make sense to me ppl's fixation of painting Joowon as "the bad guy" in Joohae's relationship, when its not what LOH depicts AT ALL. "In hindsight, everyone is a perpetrator and victim” —Joowon, Chapter 2 // This quote right here has to be the most DEFINING quote for these two, and I wanted to write an essay about it (yes it's a literal ESSAY IM SORRY).
When the story starts, we see Haesoo feeling hurt, claiming Joowon doesnt care about them and projecting him in a bad light + we see JW's attitude & his *possessiveness*... But we quickly learn that Joowon acts that way because Haesoo manipulates his emotions. Haesoo says its the "relationship I manipulated because I craved an obsessive love”, and he "builds walls, so Joowon can tear them down”. Meanwhile Joowon is also in the wrong as he's immature, impulsive & acts on ALL of Haesoo’s provocations. They inflict these actions on each other because they're BOTH insecure about their r/s. Because defining a relationship usually gives parties a sense of security... so what happens in an UNDEFINED dynamic where they can’t officially be "lovers", and can’t voice their true feelings either?? Well: there's no security in the relationship. That’s why Joowon and Haesoo keep up this push/pull tactic. It's the only way they can affirm they're “each other’s”. The fact that Joowon only acts within the confines of their jealousy games/Haesoo's manipulation, is proven further when they break up: HS narrates, "the game is over", and we see Joowon actually give Haesoo SPACE cause he knows his boundaries and where the lines are drawn. He still clearly loves Haesoo though, so he tries to protect him in the background (eg: when leo told him shady stuff abt taku, the bullying scandal, etc.)
Now that leads to the question: why did Joohae stay in this sort of hurtful open relationship for so long, if they love each other?? Well in short: its cause of their PARENTS.
Haesoo’s reason for not wanting to define the relationship: he fears that he’ll lose his mom if he makes things serious with Joowon. His mom spent ages guilt tripping him for her divorce + tells him she can’t love him if he loves Joowon. The guilt Haesoo feels isn't JUST towards his mom though. It's towards Joowon too. Haesoo constantly projects Joowon's life as "perfect" and feels so inferior at the success of JW's career. So he thinks he's the "only one suffering" (hence painting JW as the asshole who doesnt care). He also seems to see himself as a hindrance to Joowon & thinks JW will be much happier with a marriage, kids, etc. And Haesoo's thoughts AREN'T really Joowon's fault. Joowon never said he wanted a "normal" life, or tried to make HS feel like a burden. He always called Haesoo, told him he missed him, tried to spend all his free time w him despite his busy work. So I think most of HS's insecurities stem from his mom acting like he doesnt deserve her love, and his mom making him think he's a burden ("Am I that much of a hindrance to you?"). It clearly left Haesoo emotionally broken.
Now... Joowon's reason for not wanting to define the relationship: It started, after Joohae were caught as teens and JW was hit with a harsh reality. He got slapped by HS's mom and Haesoo even said: "I’m scared of my feelings for you”. It made Joowon think Haesoo can’t handle their relationship getting serious. JW felt driven into a corner, so he said, “Don’t fall for me and I won’t fall for you”. This is Joowon's foolish attempt to PROTECT them from being separated. He wanted to frame their r/s as “nothing serious, we’re just fooling around” to make things less complicated. He was also trying to protect Haesoo, knowing he can’t make Haesoo lose his mom. Joowon's dad deeply affects his actions too. After the highschool fight issue, he tells Joowon that Haesoo is gonna abandon him, and he shouldn’t start things he'll fail. Joowon takes this to heart after the divorce, where the mom makes Haesoo leave without even telling Joowon. Ofc he now thinks he’s been “abandoned” cause things got too serious for Haesoo, and that everything his father said was TRUE. His father gaslights him for years that Haesoo will abandon him. So Joowon literally thinks the ONLY WAY Haesoo will be with him, is through this ambiguous relationship.
Now. Consider both perspectives: Joowon never insisted that he wanted an official r/s because he thinks Haesoo will drop him otherwise. And Haesoo never insisted on what he truly wanted either (an official r/s! the same thing! WOW~ lmao) because the guilt he felt towards his mother overtook all of that. They willingly chose this, and the ambiguity of their relationship hurts BOTH of them, but they endure it cause they love each other and they wanted to stay together no matter what. Haesoo confirms it when he says "It’s painful because we know we can’t have it, that’s why we kept it ambiguous for 10 years”. Haesoo kept going back to Joowon for years. That’s what made Joowon arrogant and had him thinking, “Haesoo is fine with this. Haesoo can’t live without me. I knew he'd never leave me if we keep our relationship ambiguous”, and Haesoo never communicated otherwise. The remarriage suddenly made all of HS's fears abt losing his mom too real: hence why he walks out first, leaving Joowon to rethink EVERYTHING about what Haesoo truly wanted.
So in the end: who's the victim, and who's the perpetrator? You could say both... or NEITHER. At the end of the day, Haesoo and Joowon were just 2 people who loved each other since they were teenagers, but could never communicate it for their own reasons. They BOTH willingly got into these roles of an ambiguous relationship and kept up unhealthy cycles of jealousy. And they did it to be with e/o without having to be honest about their feelings, or face the consequences of their relationship. Through distance and time spent apart: they realized they feared never telling eo their true feelings FAR MORE, than whatever they could lose as a result of their love. That’s why in the end Haesoo asks Joowon if he regrets their relationship due to Joowon’s career and dad and everything... Haesoo was always worried about that: that if they chose each other, they'd come to resent each other for their losses (he says it in their breakup). But Joowon being the ride or die man he is, says he regrets nothing & he doesnt care about that as long as he’s with Haesoo. These two possibly have the most conflicting relationship I’ve read in a while— but they way they make realizations, develop, and change their mindset all so realistically to reach the conclusion they do is quite beautiful to me <33