me: pressing the plus button and seeing the wall of text (⊙…⊙ )
also me: taking a deep breath and settling back into my chair, preparing myself to read this.
I AM CLAPPING
NOOO IM IN TEARS. YOU WROTE THIS SO WELL.
from explaining why both joowon and haesoo chose to keep up this kind of relationship, to explaining the cause of haesoo's insecurities and joowon's fears and how neither of them are any more at fault than the other. this was so beautiful, bless your soul <3
also that quote from the start of the story is *chefs kiss* and i think it defines taku x haesoo quite well too.
why are you so good with your words omggggg
this is not word vomit. this is word GOLD
ヾ(☆▽☆) ily for writing this!!
So beautifully put. From the start I didn’t feel Joowon was problematic. I saw the major communications issues hindering their relationship while it was obvious how much they cared about each other. I questioned Taku’s role in there. His own interest and sorta obsession with Haesoo. Every time he said things that added to the misunderstandings and dragged Haesoo further away from Joowon and into his arms I was confused where it was all going. Like it couldn’t possibly be the end game. Nothing is solved. Joowon is painted as the bad guy and Taku is suddenly the « right » choice. So I pretty satisfied with the end game and how they managed to push through everything external to find each other again, including Taku. In the end I’m not sure if Taku helped anything, he felt like an additional obstacle that surely drove Joowon crazy but perhaps Taku needed Haesoo to change himself and not the other way around.
wow this was definetly the longest comment that I ever seen in this site! This was such a beautiful review!
Love is really a difficult thing for itself irl, cause we are human beings with so much trouble in our heads, as much healthy and well we are, we still have lots of insecurities and stuff. And here we can see lovers who was caught in an unfortunate situation: two taboos in their relation, the one of being raise ""as brothers"" and the bigger one of being two men in love (because we know that if it was a girl and a boy things could have been different, as in the movie Clueless as an exemple). Anyway, I loved your analysis, please make a blog or something and give us more, I would love to read :D
Joowon never insisted that he wanted an official r/s because he thinks Haesoo will drop him otherwise. And Haesoo never insisted on what he truly wanted either (an official r/s! the same thing! WOW~ lmao) because the guilt he felt towards his mother overtook all of that.
Your analysis is beautiful, BUT THIS, THIS, THISSSSSSSSS is truly the heart of their problems is the lack of a defined relationship! Right, they are both guilty for acting out at times, but when you look at their intimate moments, you always see the love.
I said from jump that Joowon was being loud about he felt refusing to sleep with him because he was with someone else, the quiet moments where he tests Haesoo to see his reactions with either some form of intimacy or just simply saying the words I miss you, want to see you, I'm all yours, etc., and Haesoo, oh, our sensitive Haesoo who wants to put up walls but cries in agony every time he is separated from Joowon. He thought running into Taku's bed would solve everything and allow him to say goodbye to his so-called toxic relationship, but all it did was really give him time to look at their relationship and see the value in it and stop putting it in the bad category.
One of my favorite moments was in the hospital, and Haesoo finally cried in front of Joowon. Joowon's face looked like he was in another car accident. You could see he was in so much pain watching Haesoo look sad that he couldn't hold back another second without declaring his love right then and there.
I don't think I've ever cried more in a moment reading any piece of literature. That moment was perfect. It was the defining moment they needed to find some peace in their hearts because all of that holding back, all of that denying themselves of the love they felt was the only toxic part about their relationship.
I do think they will always have this push and pull dynamic to an extent which is why we see Joowon say I hope you ache for me in so many words because he can't help feeling that way, and now he's verbally telling Haesoo his feelings as well. Now Haesoo doesn't have to guess, and he can feel that love being said openly without reservation. That's the why we get to see Haesoo so open in the last Korean chapter which to me was such a beautiful gift to us who love them because we saw him fighting it for so long to Joowon's face, and now he's showing Joowon how much he loves him by allowing himself to be intimate and show vulnerability.
Still, I'm wanting the writer to fill in the missing pieces of the past because those flashbacks are just enough to make me want to see the whole picture. I am generally satisfied, but I don't know with them I want to hear more of their story. I feel like they always have these intimate moments like the one we saw right before Joowon went to China, and then, someone or something always made Haesoo second guess their relationship which would send him off to find an insignificant lover to start the cycle all over again.
I did, wooooooow very well said~
Thank you soooo much for this. THIS IS SO WELL THOUGHT OUT, ANALYZED, AND WRITTEN IM JEALOUS.
I feel like you would do yeongha proud with this lmao.
Anyway, I am definitely going to send this to every person from now on that talks shit about Joohae or Joowon or frankly just doesn't undertand their dynamic and feelings and why they hurt each other and what caused their conflict. Because some ppl just really cant seem to grasp it.
i honestly think joowon is the least "problematic" of the three because he's at least well intentioned lol. joowon only kept digging him and haesoo further into a hole, because he didn't realize how haesoo felt about anything, and he thought everything was fine. and haesoo was just standing saying absolutely nothing that could help them as joowon kept digging lol. thats why the breakup comes as such a shock to jw. in short what was truly problematic: was their relationship, and i'm so glad they mended it.
uhh taku...... lowkey agree with your last sentence there, because it's true that he did change cause of haesoo. But I also believe taku unintentionally helped haesoo through his exhibition. the exhibition was about "loss" and "love"... and it was from haesoo finally seeing those pictures of himself on display, and realizing he was thinking about joowon in them, that he knew he couldnt let joowon go. Basically the exhibition made him realize the gravity of his feelings for joowon. Also, it's so interesting how you say: "Every time he said things that added to the misunderstandings and dragged Haesoo further away from Joowon" -- totally true, but it's very ironic because I think the further he pulled Haesoo away, the closer Haesoo got to breaking and realizing how he couldnt let himself lose Joowon. The distance made Haesoo more and more anxious until we reached the exhibition. and the breaking point was Haesoo crying. This almost seemed like the tears he didn't cry during their breakup ;-;
Also there was some focus on how Haesoo viewed his relationship with Joowon as wrong and disgusting (it was his mom that made him feel that way). But it was being with Taku and having a seemingly "normal" relationship, that he realized the stuff they did together, he'd already experienced with Joowon... and perhaps their relationship wasn't so different and disgusting as he'd initially thought. Being with Taku seemed to shift his mindset about how he viewed his r/s with Joowon which would be the other purpose of Taku's role as far as I can see.
That’s an interesting take and in that aspect I guess it couldn’t have happened with someone other than Taku with how he helped Haesoo see himself through his lenses. I guess I didn’t see how Taku and all his particularities were key components for Haesoo and his « realizations ». I was kinda assuming anyone could have played that part unlike the way Haesoo helped him. But well Haesoo never really tried having a relationship before and was only playing around so perhaps it was Taku’s intensity that drew him in. Also he definitely wasn’t shy about asserting how he felt about Haesoo and Haesoo was able to get something he wasn’t getting with Joowon and figure out if that’ wasn’t really what he wanted? Frankly they were a peculiar pairing for me and I didn’t quite feel the chemistry though I know a lot of people did so mmm (It’s been interesting to read comments and see where everyone stand on this). Besides, and I know that’s just me being petty lol, every time Taku tried to « reason » with Haesoo by reaffirming his doubts and fear I wanted to throw something. Solely because it was oversimplifying everything and I was worried things would be left like that. This author really pleasantly surprised me with how everything turned out. I loved how after showing us how toxic the mom was, we finally get some revelations about the dad. Her perfect husband who got away yikes. And x
"our sensitive Haesoo who wants to put up walls but cries in agony every time he is separated from Joowon. He thought running into Taku's bed would solve everything and allow him to say goodbye to his so-called toxic relationship, but all it did was really give him time to look at their relationship and see the value in it and stop putting it in the bad category"
this is so TRUE!! Haesoo was just so in denial, and little did he know that going to Taku and stopping things with Joowon is what he needed for him to truly realize how much he loved Joowon. Also yes I totally agree that their push/pull dynamics will always be subtly present! it's unavoidable when haesoo is a tsundere hahah. I think this dynamic will be a lot softer and more affectionate now, and won't actually hurt them like it did in the past because they know how they truly feel about each other now ;^;
Omg the MISSING PIECES!!! 200% agree with you. I really badly want the full story on some flashbacks and further moments of their past relationship. Like: the entire things on them meeting up again after the divorce. And everything about when Joowon hit rock bottom in his career and Haesoo helped him through it. And more about their r/s was in the 7 years they kept up their "game". Like there's just SO MUCH you can explore here. I know the series is long as it is, but i feel like we need a whole other season just for joohae lol.
surprisingly i think i've seen longer, in the loh comment section itself (go to most "agreed" comments haha). ppl just have A LOT to say about this story i think haha
omg i've been thinking for a while, that I really needed to make a blog or something for all this loh analysis that i keep spitting out because i have so many THOUGHTS abt this story. and idk why i thought this is the best place to drop it (well mainly cause i couldnt think of where else lool). maybe i should make a tumblr or something. never used that site before buuuut :D
@wonuyaaa i mean... if it makes ppl understand the story better then by all means haha
hehe (⌒▽⌒)
This is literally everything I've been thinking about LoH for months, I love your word vomits. I would also love to read your thoughts on Joowon's famous phrase "In hindsight, everyone is a perpetrator and victim" because I think it represents every single character here, especially him. And also, I think this way of thinking plays a big role in his dynamic with Haesoo.
It's literally the essence of LoH, but no other character bodied that idiology like Joowon did. Not only because the narratieve presented him as the "bad guy" of the story, it's also because Joowon knew he was in the wrong and yet he didn't believe there was any better option for him and Haesoo to the point he started to make "evil" seem right (the secret and ambiguous relationship). He's the antagonist in someone else's story but he is, at the same time, the main protagonist of other's.
The amazing thing is that Joowon is the "villain" and the "hero" for the same person: Lee Haesoo. And this also happened with Joowon at some point, because he resented Haesoo for years about how he abandoned him and yet, Joowon went back to look up for him because he is the one he loves. It was insane how they started to twist themselves, not only because of the parents and the taboo itself but also, the perception of each other. A whole ass contradiction that antagonize their feelings :/
You wrote facts!
Who disliked this lol? You wrote nothing but the truth.
its the dumb tacos with no reading comprehension
It will never ever make sense to me ppl's fixation of painting Joowon as "the bad guy" in Joohae's relationship, when its not what LOH depicts AT ALL. "In hindsight, everyone is a perpetrator and victim” —Joowon, Chapter 2 // This quote right here has to be the most DEFINING quote for these two, and I wanted to write an essay about it (yes it's a literal ESSAY IM SORRY).
When the story starts, we see Haesoo feeling hurt, claiming Joowon doesnt care about them and projecting him in a bad light + we see JW's attitude & his *possessiveness*... But we quickly learn that Joowon acts that way because Haesoo manipulates his emotions. Haesoo says its the "relationship I manipulated because I craved an obsessive love”, and he "builds walls, so Joowon can tear them down”. Meanwhile Joowon is also in the wrong as he's immature, impulsive & acts on ALL of Haesoo’s provocations. They inflict these actions on each other because they're BOTH insecure about their r/s. Because defining a relationship usually gives parties a sense of security... so what happens in an UNDEFINED dynamic where they can’t officially be "lovers", and can’t voice their true feelings either?? Well: there's no security in the relationship. That’s why Joowon and Haesoo keep up this push/pull tactic. It's the only way they can affirm they're “each other’s”. The fact that Joowon only acts within the confines of their jealousy games/Haesoo's manipulation, is proven further when they break up: HS narrates, "the game is over", and we see Joowon actually give Haesoo SPACE cause he knows his boundaries and where the lines are drawn. He still clearly loves Haesoo though, so he tries to protect him in the background (eg: when leo told him shady stuff abt taku, the bullying scandal, etc.)
Now that leads to the question: why did Joohae stay in this sort of hurtful open relationship for so long, if they love each other?? Well in short: its cause of their PARENTS.
Haesoo’s reason for not wanting to define the relationship: he fears that he’ll lose his mom if he makes things serious with Joowon. His mom spent ages guilt tripping him for her divorce + tells him she can’t love him if he loves Joowon. The guilt Haesoo feels isn't JUST towards his mom though. It's towards Joowon too. Haesoo constantly projects Joowon's life as "perfect" and feels so inferior at the success of JW's career. So he thinks he's the "only one suffering" (hence painting JW as the asshole who doesnt care). He also seems to see himself as a hindrance to Joowon & thinks JW will be much happier with a marriage, kids, etc. And Haesoo's thoughts AREN'T really Joowon's fault. Joowon never said he wanted a "normal" life, or tried to make HS feel like a burden. He always called Haesoo, told him he missed him, tried to spend all his free time w him despite his busy work. So I think most of HS's insecurities stem from his mom acting like he doesnt deserve her love, and his mom making him think he's a burden ("Am I that much of a hindrance to you?"). It clearly left Haesoo emotionally broken.
Now... Joowon's reason for not wanting to define the relationship: It started, after Joohae were caught as teens and JW was hit with a harsh reality. He got slapped by HS's mom and Haesoo even said: "I’m scared of my feelings for you”. It made Joowon think Haesoo can’t handle their relationship getting serious. JW felt driven into a corner, so he said, “Don’t fall for me and I won’t fall for you”. This is Joowon's foolish attempt to PROTECT them from being separated. He wanted to frame their r/s as “nothing serious, we’re just fooling around” to make things less complicated. He was also trying to protect Haesoo, knowing he can’t make Haesoo lose his mom. Joowon's dad deeply affects his actions too. After the highschool fight issue, he tells Joowon that Haesoo is gonna abandon him, and he shouldn’t start things he'll fail. Joowon takes this to heart after the divorce, where the mom makes Haesoo leave without even telling Joowon. Ofc he now thinks he’s been “abandoned” cause things got too serious for Haesoo, and that everything his father said was TRUE. His father gaslights him for years that Haesoo will abandon him. So Joowon literally thinks the ONLY WAY Haesoo will be with him, is through this ambiguous relationship.
Now. Consider both perspectives: Joowon never insisted that he wanted an official r/s because he thinks Haesoo will drop him otherwise. And Haesoo never insisted on what he truly wanted either (an official r/s! the same thing! WOW~ lmao) because the guilt he felt towards his mother overtook all of that. They willingly chose this, and the ambiguity of their relationship hurts BOTH of them, but they endure it cause they love each other and they wanted to stay together no matter what. Haesoo confirms it when he says "It’s painful because we know we can’t have it, that’s why we kept it ambiguous for 10 years”. Haesoo kept going back to Joowon for years. That’s what made Joowon arrogant and had him thinking, “Haesoo is fine with this. Haesoo can’t live without me. I knew he'd never leave me if we keep our relationship ambiguous”, and Haesoo never communicated otherwise. The remarriage suddenly made all of HS's fears abt losing his mom too real: hence why he walks out first, leaving Joowon to rethink EVERYTHING about what Haesoo truly wanted.
So in the end: who's the victim, and who's the perpetrator? You could say both... or NEITHER. At the end of the day, Haesoo and Joowon were just 2 people who loved each other since they were teenagers, but could never communicate it for their own reasons. They BOTH willingly got into these roles of an ambiguous relationship and kept up unhealthy cycles of jealousy. And they did it to be with e/o without having to be honest about their feelings, or face the consequences of their relationship. Through distance and time spent apart: they realized they feared never telling eo their true feelings FAR MORE, than whatever they could lose as a result of their love. That’s why in the end Haesoo asks Joowon if he regrets their relationship due to Joowon’s career and dad and everything... Haesoo was always worried about that: that if they chose each other, they'd come to resent each other for their losses (he says it in their breakup). But Joowon being the ride or die man he is, says he regrets nothing & he doesnt care about that as long as he’s with Haesoo. These two possibly have the most conflicting relationship I’ve read in a while— but they way they make realizations, develop, and change their mindset all so realistically to reach the conclusion they do is quite beautiful to me <33