Also about the ML’s situation, he obviously likes the FL and has been interested in her since probably their first meeting. For him, this was a romance based marriage.
Now listen listen
He was supposed to marry the princess. If we look at how he has educated his son, we can be pretty sure that that’s how he was educated himself. In other words, the motto is “do what you have to do for the family”. Though, he still from some unknown reasons that the FL has misunderstood chosen to refuse the princess and instead marry FL.
If he chose to do that because of love, then this is really tragic. Because 1) it’s not in his teachings to make decision that are not the most optimal for his family and it’s not something he can be proud of at all (like the convo he had with his dad where he went “it’s just a girl” shows that he still has to show enough emotional detachment to have control over his environment as a man and the heir) and 2) because he is constantly being rejected by FL in the most horrible way and has no means of correcting her without going through some really big psychological obstacles that he has yet to properly notice and overcome such as that love isn’t a weakness, meeting expectations and how perfect you are don’t make your worth, communicating is important contrary to what his conditions growing up could have made him think.
Tbh I do really feel bad for him because he himself, just like the FL, has no one to reassure him and to seek refuge to because he believe she doesn’t love him and is only using him for family means. However, he has work and responsibilities to mask his emotions and divert his attention.
Btw, that is a big part of toxic masculinity and high suicidal rates in men; because of the social expectations that they have to provide and always fulfill their responsibilities and because they don’t have as much introspection as women, they often misunderstand their own pain and self medicate by taking substances for example or becoming workaholics (since accomplishing what society wants at least gives them a little gratification and keeps their minds away from core issues)
Her depression may also spring from the fact that she experienced sooo much trauma when pregnant, that she subconsciously associates the child with the trauma, in the beginning of her pregnancy she is happy and her father in law is happy her husband is happy, but then the husband leaves, the father in law dies and then her own father dies and soon after the child is born, her sister experiences a miscarriage, like man that must have felt heavy and all the while she herself is a child. Harsen obviously loves her and loves her deeply too, but he has this ingrained image of how a head of the family should be, if even once he told her he loves her, that it will be okay that he's there for her, she maybe would'nt be as bad off, but then again he feels as if this marriage was a burden for ercella, that he was a mere choice, and he doesn't want to force her to say "i love you" because she will say it out of obligation, but dude you are already her husband ffs, giving her emotional support is not too much, and obviously the child doesn't deserve any of this and ughhh, im in pain
I guessed from the summary and first chapter, but this is basically the story of a mother who gets a second chance at battling post partum depression. It’s amazing how well written this story is to be honest and it so realistic from all the characters’ sides! Like the toxic masculinity is so smooth too that even we just consider it the guys being heartless dicks but it’s obvious that they are just putting up fronts that they believe is right.
It’s so frustrating to read this though in a setting where mental health isn’t considered a real thing. Like SO many times I wanted to grab them by the shoulders, FL included, and shake them screaming “SHE IS SICK. SHE IS S I C K. IT’S NOT HER FAULT GET HER PROPER HELP SHE IS SICK IT’S JUST GONNA GET WORSE!”
Not recognizing her child as her own, getting frustrated while taking care of him, feeling randomly anxious and stressed, lonely, no feeling of love to her child, a dependency on her partner, it’s so so so striking but only to people who actually know what post partum depression is and how super severe it can get. And considering she 1) is limited in her freedom 2) has undergone a lot of stressful events 3) has communication/understanding issues with her husband 4) her husband often leaves for long period, leaving her feeling “abandoned” and 5) she cannot find even proper security in her marriage, the only thing she can lean on, because of the misunderstanding
The saddest saddest thing is how absolutely destroyed both her and ML are because of their confusion on her state. Like he is so confused and trying to help and appease somehow (without admitting his own feelings and battling his own expectation and reality distortion issues) and is hurt by misunderstanding her condition while she repeats so many times that she “doesn’t know” why she’s like this and that “it’s strange”.
It can’t get any clearer bro.
Anyways, all this to say that I really love how absolutely realistic this story is while still have some hella lovable characters
My only fear is that we’ll never have the satisfaction of everyone understanding that she is not at fault and that the guilt is just worsening her depression and emotional detachment from her child—
Like dang... imagine getting severe post partum depression as a teenager... man