Crush but no Relationship

Do you mean asexual or aromantic?

I personally thought of it more as his fear of love and relationships, especially being gay/queer, liking a straight guy who dates shallowly and has a history of not being sincere, I totally get Sitong's hesitance.

Your view is interesting, and I would love to see more asexual/aromantic stories, but I don't think this story is intentionally trying to represent that.

Sitong has the kind of self-protecting personality where he's not willing to put himself, and especially his heart, at risk.
Even if he has a high chance with the person he's liked for so long, he's not willing to risk it -- ESPECIALLY because he's liked them for so long. Sitong knows how much he likes Zichen. He knows he's deeply in love, and he knows that Zichen doesn't love him the same way. Zichen is interested, but he hasn't quietly pined over Sitong for years, hasn't had the same experience of self-questioning himself as a gay/queer man, he hasn't "proven" to Sitong his feelings are there to stay. Zichen has a history of only dating girls, and Sitong views him as a straight man. Even within those relationships, Zichen has never felt the same way about his partner that Sitong has about Zichen (at least, in Sitong's view). Sitong acknowledges this difference as something that deters and scares him -- 'I wouldn't be able to be friends again like you and her' (not sic lol), Sitong implicitly confesses that he likes Zichen so much he wouldn't be able to handle breaking up and being friends again, Sitong confesses he's in it for good. And since Sitong doesn't have a feeling of security from Zichen's feelings, doesn't think that Zichen is also in it for good with him, he knows dating someone who doesn't love him the same amount/way would hurt him, and that breaking up would be so painful he's afraid to even risk it.

Rather than Sitong not feeling romantic feelings/wanting to date, I see it as the opposite. Sitong has such strong feelings for Zichen, and enough self-awareness of these feelings, to know that his heart would be unable to handle getting destroyed or hurt by Zichen not living up to his high expectations. And because he doesn't think he and Zichen would work out, he'd rather reject Zichen himself, because that's a heartbreak he chooses and can control. It's like the difference between unexpectedly getting fired from the job you love, versus quitting the job you love because you know you're not suited to it -- one is painful and out of your control, the other is painful but at least you're in control, you can feel a bit better about how you're actively taking charge of your own fate and preventing greater pain, even if it hurts. The devil you know is better than the devil you don't, and all.

Sitong's feelings of inadequacy, the whole 'we're in different leagues / he's the center of a group I don't even belong in', are also a huge factor. The more Zichen likes him and shows how great of a man he is, the more Sitong feels imposter syndrome, and it makes him double down on the denial. Especially being a guy, and knowing the stigma around being gay, Sitong doesn't feel he is worthy and is hesitant to express anything, he doesn't want to ruin his own or Zichen's life with something that he thinks would just be a fling to Zichen.

I think Sitong, as a whole, is a character who seriously needs stability and security, and if he doesn't have certainty that he won't be hurt/let down, he won't risk his heart. Unlike other characters who will jump at any chance to date the person they like even for a day, Sitong knows his feelings for Zichen are so strong that having a taste of everything he wants, only to be brought back down to the cruel ground, would hurt much more than the pleasure of having the taste of heaven is worth to him.

It's a very complex but understandable mentality, but I don't really see it being about asexuality/aromantic feelings. It's just Sitong's fear, pessimism, and realism.
At least that's how I saw it! I think it's really interesting that you see it differently.

That's fine! I love your take on it too. I know that mine wasn't the only way to see their relationship and I understand where you're coming from. I did actually consider that as well. After finishing reading a random story after this that (coincidently ofc) sounds similar to what you're describing.

I feel the same way of how you view it. Although my thoughts were more on my interpretation of Sitong. Taking into account his own feelings in my own way. I didn't really explain the bigger picture like you took the time to. (Thank you by the way) Sitong makes it clear that there is a line between them that he shouldn't cross. I say "shouldn't "and not "can't" to go back on your statement about being in different leagues. As well as the fact that Zichen can seem a little sketchy.

I think that I kind of ignored it even though Sitong points it out. I've read a lot of stories where some characters like this don't seem trustworthy and the author kinda magically, for the sake of plot and development, makes them change for the main character but Zichen is a little different. And I see that.

Also to take a bit about Sitong's mentality and how he handles the situation. I said previously that he has a crush but doesn't want to commit to a relationship. Our ideas actually intertwine. You mention the aftermath of mine and go into depth on it. I mentioned that people who have crushes but don't want to date them, might not date them in fear of commitment. This is where you come in to explain the mentality of Sitong not believing that Zichen will be committed to the relationship. You even went further by emphasizing how Sitong might feel in the aftermath of the break up if Zichen breaks up with him.

About the Asexual/Aromantic I didn't have that in mind. I didn't consider Sitong to be Ace or Aro. People who don't have the mentality to date their crush aren't all Ace or Aro. But I do realize that I might have been a little vague when explaining myself before. (￣∇￣")

I also want to mention that people who don't want to date their crush like to bask in their presence. Which is kind of something that Sitong does. Though he denies it, it shows. It goes back on the "We're in different leagues" thing. Kinda like how he admires him from afar. Enjoying their presence but not wanting more. The reason could vary. Maybe, like you said, out of fear and commitment when it comes to Sitong and Zichen's relationship.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! You did a really great job pointing out a lot of stuff that I left out! Rather than our views being different, I think they're kind of similar /support each other. In chronological order per se.

As a person that is ace and questioning about aro, this is my personal opinion so please don't take offense, i just feel that he just doesn't want to ruin their friendship because he just has that strong feelings for zichen. so yea i kinda agree with you and with the original comment.

Nah you said straight up facts! I do like my crush a LOT! But I rather not stay in a relationship like fr

I love your take about him so much

I love your take!! But i’m going to have to agree with the person in the replies. In the beginning he said “he didn’t want to be in a relationship with zi chen” only because he already accepted the fact that he thought it was impossible. Now that zi chen confessed he would love to be but his feelings are so deep he doesn’t want to go into it if zi chen’s feelings might be misleading or not that deep because then he would be hurt ^^

something about explanations like this satisfied me hahaha and i totally agree on both views!

personally, i do think it was sitong's fear of pursuing the uncertain relationship is what refrain him from accepting zichen. since zichen seems so laid back about the feelings he have bared for years, he was more scared if things were just a mare flings and they broke up. it's hard to imagine what the future hold for them, that's why sitong throw the ideal dream away and always remind himself to stay realistic; that he don't belong with zichen.

it is sad, i really hope zichen also have a deep thought on this since it's not something easy to persue especially when he's getting himself into a homosexual relationship when he has always been heterosexual. it not as easy as "i like you too, so let's date", it's more than that for sitong since he's not the type to just go for it. he don't want painful memories of his crush, so it's better to remind it as it is. hence, i hope zichen would ensure himself and be prepared for the relationship he want to pursue with sitong. it would at least give sitong the secure he needed to open his heart up and accept zichen to be his partner.

Wow! This comment totally described how i actually view sitong in my perspective too.you really put it on a much detailed way.thumbs up

Well , to the commenter above i also appreciate his/her take. It is good to see a different side