The word "Heartache" is not enough.

⚣_Holic January 3, 2016 10:12 pm

[Apologies for the long post. Please ignore it. This is just me keeping record of what I read & felt]

I have lost count of exactly how many times my heart DIED while reading this creation of Kyuugou. It was excruciatingly intense & rich with dark, distorted emotions. The whole ambiance of this manga - every panel, every strand of hair, each glance, even simply the wind blowing was enough to make me shiver with fear & anticipation. I kept staring at some pages for more than a minute. I thought, if I don't watch them closely & carefully I'll miss something really important. Everything....and I mean E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G in this story from the start to the last line of last chapter gripped & gnawed at my heart.

I have been wracking my brains after finishing it, exactly which brother was more pitiful and here I am sitting in front of my laptop....staring at the wall, for god knows how long. It felt like they were twin brothers cursed by the destiny itself and Kei's words kept ringing in my ears, "why do you think we came into this world separately?" No matter how much I think about, I can't find/imagine a way for Kei's salvation from his path of self-destruction neither could I bring myself to blame Roku for anything.

Among all the incest mangas & other thought provoking, emotionally disturbing psychological mangas I have read so far, Kyuugou crushed it. It's not like she used some complicated difficult words or dramatic scenes. With simple words, simple lines, simple scenes.....she pulled me into her world! As if everything was happening in front of my very eyes in slow motion holographic images & I can do nothing about it but to see them getting shattered & destroyed by their uncontrollable overwhelming emotions. The eeriness of every scene got under my skin & made me recoil with horror & suspense. Still, I couldn't stop myself from getting swept away with each chapter. It's no wonder she dropped it. I mean, I feel like this just after reading it, so I could not possibly imagine what she must have felt while writing those 9 chapters thick with mind-crippling emotions.

Despite feeling compassionate for her I would still pray & hope that Kyuugou sensei would pick it up again one day & write it till the end. Not just because it's a Masterpiece but because I have come to deeply love & care for those miserable characters. And I don't want them to be stuck in a time hole for eternity without a definite closure.

Responses
    ShonaNingyo December 30, 2015 2:41 pm

    Yo, don't apologize for long posts if they're thoughtful like this one (〜^△^)〜

    ⚣_Holic December 30, 2015 2:46 pm
    Yo, don't apologize for long posts if they're thoughtful like this one (〜^△^)〜 ShonaNingyo

    Thanks dear ^ - ^

    Zochris January 3, 2016 4:51 am

    Since following your "Twisted beyond repair" list, i have always been curious of how you felt when you read the mangas so i am glad you expressed your emotions for this one.

    ⚣_Holic January 3, 2016 9:03 am
    Since following your "Twisted beyond repair" list, i have always been curious of how you felt when you read the mangas so i am glad you expressed your emotions for this one. Zochris

    I tell you, it's ALL the genius Kyuugou's fault! Normally I am too lazy to write long comments like this one. But,while reading this & after finishing it, I felt like I would explode from all these overwhelming emotions, if I don't write them down somewhere! I have wrote comments on some other mangas of that list too, but none of them are as long as this one :P XD

    Zochris January 3, 2016 10:08 pm
    I tell you, it's ALL the genius Kyuugou's fault! Normally I am too lazy to write long comments like this one. But,while reading this & after finishing it, I felt like I would explode from all these overwhel... ⚣_Holic

    I read this manga for the first time yesterday and i have yet to recover from it. I keep thinking about what i would have done in Kei's place or what he himself could have done differently for a less tragic ending. This manga hits right in the heart. Were it not for your list btw i wouldn't have read it. So thanks <3

    ⚣_Holic January 3, 2016 10:37 pm
    I read this manga for the first time yesterday and i have yet to recover from it. I keep thinking about what i would have done in Kei's place or what he himself could have done differently for a less tragic end... Zochris

    You're welcome dear :)
    I am glad you enjoyed it just as much as me (づ ̄ ³ ̄)づ

    《Lilas》--❦--❀ January 11, 2016 5:00 pm

    Wow, fantastic. I like this genre of plots, something similar to Hagio Moto's stories which are full of symbolism and impregnated with some of the Freudian concepts. I specifically liked this sentence "I have come to deeply love & care for those miserable characters. And I don't want them to be stuck in a time hole for eternity without a definite closure".
    It is like with Motoni Modoru's "Shiiku Gakari Rika". She dropped it to work on a shoujo - which has a BL sequel (or an extra) as it seems! - I believe that it is very cruel to leave a story without an end. If a work is meant to be left unfinished then the author shouldn't begin with it in the first place. Albeit fictional, characters become made out of flesh and blood as the plot progresses and the story unfolds. Dropping a story is tantamount to betraying them ... and the craft of writing. A writer should always know beforehand where his/ her work is going. It is the end, not the beginning which triggers the whole process of storytelling. If everything is left to the circumstances and to the author's mood then this isn't a craft anymore. It becomes something else. This is however just my opinion because I am not forgiving when a work is dropped. By the way, I liked your review. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

    ⚣_Holic January 11, 2016 10:06 pm
    Wow, fantastic. I like this genre of plots, something similar to Hagio Moto's stories which are full of symbolism and impregnated with some of the Freudian concepts. I specifically liked this sentence "I have ... 《Lilas》--❦--❀

    Hey Lisa-chan! It's been a while since we have talked! (●'◡'●)ノ I am glad that you liked it. Thank you very much! It means a lot coming from you ^ - ^
    And what a coincidence!! I just finished reading Hagio Moto's "Zankoku Na Kami Ga Shihai Suru" a few weeks ago! I am still in middle of reading "Heart of Thomas". I must say, with her talent & brilliance she has won both my heart, appreciation & utmost respect, fair & square! I can't get over that mesmerized feeling after finishing Zankoku even still now, just like this one! Not only among yaoi but it is a 1 of kind bestest BEST manga I have ever read in my entire life!
    Really? I knew that Motoni Modoru dropped "Shiiku Gakari Rika". But didn't know she dropped it because she wanted to write shoujo. And to think I loved that manga so much!! TT__TT
    I agree with what you said about dropping a manga. I also don't like it when mangakas drop a manga, specially when it's so good! But I can't help loving Kyuugou & Yoneda kou. By now, I feel like a masochist picking up their dropped mangas to read & re-read again & again ( ̄∇ ̄")
    However, I also can't be angry with them as I don't know their circumstances or in what situation they dropped their work. They might have had no other choice than to drop the manga or it might be their own free will. I'll never know. One thing that always bugs me about Kyuugou's work is that, she mentioned in the afterwords of 1 of her dropped mangas that, she wants to write the whole story that's in her head. So it's not like she ran out of ideas, but I think a problem with publication issue. But that's just my assumption. Anyways, looks like I got excited after seeing your reply & went overboard with another long comment ( ̄∇ ̄") Hope you don't mind :)

    《Lilas》--❦--❀ January 12, 2016 2:05 am

    Wow "sleeping_bunny", what a coincidence because I didn't realize it is you up till now ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭ . Yup, sorry, I have been really busy and this the fourth or fifth time I check my mangago account since September ( ̄∇ ̄").
    I am glad that you're very enthusiast about this kind of work (by the way, I haven't read it yet but I am encouraged to do so based on your review), and I don't mind at all that you're being prolific in expressing your thoughts (● ̄(エ) ̄●), and I like chatting with you ⁄(⁄ ⁄·⁄ω⁄·⁄ ⁄)⁄ .
    I tend to agree with you that Hagio Moto's Zankoku is a masterpiece and among the best mangas ever. It took her almost 10 years to finish it. By the way, Moto is one of the three authors who contributed to the development of the "Boys Love" genre. However, I still believe that no matter what the circumstances are, an author must finish her work. Let's take for instance Motoni Modoru's "Shiiku Gakari Rika": dropping this title makes it void of sense because there are still some questions which were left unanswered. The story hasn't been fully unfolded yet and without this crucial process, it is possible to describe it as being a nonsensical mess.
    I don't compromise in this regard because writing/ drawing a manga is a craft after all (=・ω・=) ... and yes, she dropped it because she was motivated to write/ draw a non-BL (sorry I don't know why I wrote shoujo, it is more like a shounen in light of the demographic group which it targets, with a BL sequel). In case you're interested they are Kousoku Angel Engine and Kousoku Angel Engine BGH .

    ⚣_Holic January 15, 2016 8:22 am
    Wow "sleeping_bunny", what a coincidence because I didn't realize it is you up till now ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭ . Yup, sorry, I have been really busy and this the fourth or fifth time I check my mangago account sinc... 《Lilas》--❦--❀

    hehehe...I knew you wouldn't recognize me :P A lot of people do that as I tend to change my username. But I have taken quite a liking to the current one actually (๑•ㅂ•)و✧
    You should definitely read it, if you like deep dark psychological works. The story isn't that unusual/unique but they way it was depicted, IS. Aww....I like chatting with you too! <3
    OMG!! It took her 10 freaking years!!?? Didn't know that!! No wonder it's written so beautifully!! Btw, I am curious who are the other 2 mangakas who contributed to BL genere? 1 is, I am guessing Takemiya Keiko may be? Who's the other 1?
    And, yes! I agree with everything you said about "Shiiku Gakari Rika"! Can't believe she's dropping it for a non-BL!! I could have comforted my heart if it was another BL manga she dropped it for TT__TT

    《Lilas》--❦--❀ January 17, 2016 5:56 am

    haha I bet you do like that username of yours ╮( ̄▽ ̄)╭ .
    Oh well I like "dark" and complicated stuff, but I am just going to proceed reading it after I finish the crime novel I am reading right now.
    Yes, it took her that period of time and she did a lot of research about cases where children or family members are being abused by another family member. Her work in this manga was triggered by the fact that she wanted to know why mothers keep quiet in cases of child abuse?
    Actually some writers attribute the dawn of yaoi in Japan to Mori Mari, the daughter of Mori Ōgai, who was a writer and a prominent medical scholar. Her novel Koibitotachi no Mori (The Lovers' Forest) is considered to be the first homoerotic novel written by a woman in Japan. Some consider it to be the ancestor of yaoi because it contained many of the tropes which were going to be yaoi staples later on.
    Her novel is a love story between a nineteen-year-old Japanese man from the working class and a thirty-something Japanese biracial scholar.
    Hagio Moto wrote after that a manga entitled Pô no Ichizoku (Tribe of Poe) setting the stage to an intimate friendship between two beautiful boys (one of them is a vampire in the body of a fourteen-year-old boy and his companion who was the same age as he is - or his body to be more accurate LOL).
    Takemiya Keiko produced after that Kaze to ki no uta which is more blatant as a homoerotic love story than that of Moto's.
    However, those three aren't the only ones who gave a boost to the development of yaoi. Other equally important writers could be cited notably "the 1949 gang": Ōshima Yumiko, Yamagishi Ryôko and Aoike Yasuke.
    (The information comes from my scribbled notes - just in case you're wondering - as I did a mini-research about some of the manga genres before. The parts about Yaoi are from Akiko Mizoguchi's research paper). (● ̄(エ) ̄●)

    OyaOya June 29, 2020 3:36 pm

    i got here because of your list... im still crying right now(i haven't cried like this since Ash Lynx died)... i am mess right now and i dont even know what to say... this series hurts but I dont regret reading it... i know that i would read this over and over again... a story that i will never forget...so i want to thank you for bringing me here... i also hope and pray that the author will pick this up again.... Also I was thinking that the author dropping this story was also the reason why Im affected like this...as reader we were finally shown the reason for the story but not the conclusion...and its kind of like how Kei's can't have Roku.. line that part when Kei said that there a line or a wall between him and Roku that he cant cross...there's a line between the readers and the conclusion of the story that not matter how much we want it we cant have it and we are just left here broken like Kei...